What if the Marauders and Lily read Harry Potter 3
by Mary Samantha Black
Summary: Um.. well basicly the marauders and Lily get hold of the 3rd Harry Potter book and they read it.
1. Owl Post

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban  
CHAPTER 1: Owl Post  
Two 17 year olds, James Potter and Sirius Black are sitting on there beds in James' house.  
Sirius-I'm so bored.  
James-Want me to track down Snape.  
Sirius-No that's okay.  
James' Mom-James Lily, Peter, and Remus are here.  
James and Sirius jump off there beds and run down stairs.  
James-Hi Moony, Wormtail, Evans.  
Lily-Come on James we've been going out for two months now can't you call me Lily.  
James-Let me think ::thinks for a second:: No.  
Sirius-Come on let's go up to our room.  
Sirius, Remus, James, Lily, and Peter go up to James and Sirius' room. Sirius lays down on his bed only to be knocked out by a book that seemed to come out of nowhere.   
(Five minutes later)  
Sirius-Ow that hurt ::Reads the title of the book:: James is this some kind of a joke?  
James-No why.  
Sirius hands James the book. Remus reads the title from over James shoulder.  
Remus-Are you related to this Harry?   
James-No  
Remus- Than why's his last name Potter?   
James-Let's read the book and find out. Chapter one is called Owl Post.....  
Harry Potter was a highly unusual boy in many ways. For one thing, he hated the summer holidays more than any other time of the year. For another, he really wanted to do his homework, but was forced to do it in secret, in the dead of night. And he also happened to be a wizard. It was nearly midnight, and he was lying on his front in bed, the blankets drawn right over his head like a tent, a torch in one hand and a large leather-bound book (A History of Magic,  
Lily-That's my favorite book.

by Adalbert Waffling) propped open against the pillow. Harry moved the tip of his eagle-feather quill down the page, Frowning as he looked for something that would help him write his essay, 'Witch-Burning in the Fourteenth Century Was Completely Pointless – discuss'.   
The quill paused at the top of a likely-looking paragraph. Harry pushed his round glasses up his nose and moved his torch closer to the book and read:  
Non-magic people (more commonly known as Muggles) were particularly afraid of magic in medieval times, but not very good at recognizing it. On the rare occasion that they did catch a real witch or wizard, burning had no effect whatsoever. The witch or wizard would perform a basic Flame-Freezing Charm and then pretend to shriek with pain while enjoying gentle, tickling sensation. Indeed, Wendelin the Weird enjoyed being burnt so much that she allowed herself to be caught no fewer than forty-seven times in various disguises.  
Sirius-That's exactly what it says in our book.  
Harry put his quill between his teeth and reached underneath his pillow for his ink bottle and a roll of parchment. Slowly and very carefully he unscrewed the ink bottle, dipped his quill into it and began to write, pausing every now and then to listen, because if any of the Dursleys  
Lily-::Shocked:: Dursleys!!  
James- Who are the Dursleys?  
Lily:-::Still shocked:: My sister's dating this guy named Vernon Dursley.

heard the scratching of his quill on their way to the bathroom, he'd probably find himself locked in the cupboard under the stair for the rest of the summer. The Dursley family of number four, Privet Drive, was the reason that Harry never enjoyed his summer holidays. Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia  
Lily-Nooooooooooooo.   
James/Sirius/Peter/Remus- What?  
Lily- Petunia is my sister.   
Sirius-Wait a minute if Petunia is your sister and Harry's last name is Potter that means......  
Remus/Peter/Sirius-Lily and James sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G  
James/Lily-Shut up.   
and their son, Dudley, were Harry's only living relatives. They were Muggles, and they had a very medieval attitude towards magic. Harry's dead parents, who had been a witch and wizard themselves, were never mentioned under the Dursley roof. For years, Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon had hoped that if they kept Harry as downtrodden as possible, they would be able to squash the magic out of him.  
Sirius- How can you squash magic out of someone?  
Others-::Shrug::

To their fury, they had been unsuccessful, and now lived in terror of anyone finding out at Harry had spent most of the last two years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The most the Dursleys could do these days was to lock away Harry's spell books, wand, cauldron and broomstick at the start of the summer holidays, and forbid him to talk to the neighbors.  
This separation from his spell books had been a real problem for Harry, because his teachers at Hogwarts had given him a lot of holiday work. One of the essays, a particularly nasty one about Shrinking Potions,   
Remus- I hate Potions.   
was for Harry's least favorite teacher, Professor Snape,  
All- SNAPE!!!!! NO WAY!  
Peter-Way.  
Others-::Stare at him::   
Peter-What?  
James-I can't believe that, that git became a teacher.

who would be delighted to have an excuse to give Harry detention for a month. Harry had therefore seized his chance in the first week of the holidays. Whilst Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia and Dudley had gone out into the front garden to admire Uncle Vernon's new company car (in very loud voices, so that the rest of the street would notice it too),  
James/Remus/Sirius- Muggles. ::roll eyes:: .  
Lily/Peter-::glare::   
Harry had crept downstairs, picked the lock on the cupboard underneath the stairs, grabbed some of his spell books and hidden them in his bedroom.  
Sirius-You've got a smart son.  
James-Thank you.  
Sirius-I was talking to Lily.  
James-::smacks Sirius::

As long as he didn't leave spots of ink on the sheets, the Dursleys need never know that he was studying magic by night. Harry was keen to avoid trouble with his aunt and uncle at the moment, as they were already in a bad mood with him, all because he'd received a telephone call from a fellow wizard on week into the school holidays. Ron Weasley, who was one of Harry's best friends at Hogwarts, came from a whole family of wizards. This meant that he knew a lot of things Harry didn't, but had never used a telephone before. Most unluckily, it had been Uncle Vernon who had answered the call.   
'Vernon Dursley speaking.'  
Harry, who happened to be in the room at the time, froze as he heard Ron's voice answer.   
'HELLO? HELLO? CAN YOU HEAR ME? I - WANT - TO - TALK - TO - HARRY - POTTER!'  
Remus-For some reason I think that Harry is going to get in trouble.   
Others-::Nod in agreement::  
Ron was yelling so loudly that Uncle Vernon jumped and held the receiver a foot away from his ear, staring at it with an expression of mingled fury and alarm.  
'WHO IS THIS?' he roared in the direction of the mouthpiece. 'WHO ARE YOU?'  
'RON - WEASLEY!' Ron bellowed back, as though he and Uncle Vernon were speaking from opposite ends of a football pitch. 'I'M - A - FRIEND - OF - HARRY'S - FROM - SCHOOL -'  
Uncle Vernon's small eyes swiveled around to Harry, who was rooted to the spot.  
'THERE IS NO HARRY POTTER HERE!'  
Peter:-But I thought that Harry was in the room.  
Others-::Smack there own heads::  
he roared, now holding the receiver at arm's length, as though frightened it might explode. 'I DON'T KNOW WHAT SCHOOL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! NEVER CONTACT ME AGAIN! DON'T YOU COME NEAR MY FAMILY!'  
And he threw the receiver back onto the telephone as if dropping a poisonous spider. The row that had followed had been one of the worst ever.  
'HOW DARE YOU GIVE THIS NUMBER TO PEOPLE LIKE - PEOPLE LIKE YOU!' Uncle Vernon roared, spraying Harry with spit.  
All- ewwwww  
Remus-Told you he was going to get in trouble

Ron obviously realized he'd got Harry into trouble, because he hadn't called again. Harry's other best friend from Hogwarts, Hermione Granger, hadn't been in touch either. Harry suspected that Ron had warned Hermione not to call, which was a pity, because Hermione, the cleverest witch in Harry's year, had Muggle parents, knew perfectly well how to use a telephone, and would probably have had enough sense not to say that she went to Hogwarts.  
So Harry had had no word from any of his wizarding friends for five long weeks,  
Ron obviously realized he'd got Harry into trouble, because he hadn't called again. Harry's other best friend from Hogwarts, Hermione Granger, hadn't been in touch either. Harry suspected that Ron had warned Hermione not to call, which was a pity, because Hermione, the cleverest witch in Harry's year, had Muggle parents, knew perfectly well how to use a telephone, and would probably have had enough sense not to say that she went to Hogwarts.  
So Harry had had no word from any of his wizarding friends for five long weeks,  
and this summer was turning out to be almost as bad as the last one. There was just one, very small improvement: after swearing that he wouldn't use her to send letters to any of his friends, Harry had been allowed to let his owl, Hedwig out at night. Uncle Vernon had given in because of the racket Hedwig made if she was locked in her cage all the time.  
Harry finished writing about Wendelin the Weird and paused to listen again. The silence in the dark house was broken only by the distant, grunting snores of his enormous cousin, Dudley. It must be very late. Harry's eyes were itching with tiredness. Perhaps he'd finish this essay tomorrow night ...  
He replaced the top of the ink bottle, pulled an old pillowcase from under his bed, put the torch,  
Peter-Wait a minute if Harry has a torch wouldn't his bed catch on fire?   
Sirius-Wow Peter you found a brain.  
Peter-::nods::  
A History of Magic, his essay, quill and ink inside it, got out of bed and hid the lot under a loose floorboard under his bed. Then he stood up, stretched, and checked the time on the luminous alarm clock on his bedside table.  
It was one o'clock in the morning. Harry's stomach gave a funny jolt. He had been thirteen years old without realizing it, for a whole hour.   
Peter-HAPPY BIRTHDAY!   
Others-::smack there heads::  
Sirius-Peter where'd you're brain go?  
Peter-Out there ::Points out James' window::

Yet another unusual thing about Harry was how little he looked forward to his birthdays. He had never received a birthday card in his life. The Dursleys had completely ignored his last two birthdays,   
All-::Glare at the book::  
and he had no reason to suppose they would remember this one Harry walked across the dark room, past Hedwig's large, empty cage, to the open window. He leaned on the sill, the cool night air pleasant on his face after a long time under the blankets. Hedwig had been absent for two nights now. Harry wasn't worried about her: she'd been gone this long before. But he hoped she'd be back soon - she was the only living creature in this house who didn't flinch at the sight of him.  
Lily-Poor Harry.  
Sirius/Remus/Peter-Agreed  
James is sitting in a chair in the corner of his room.  
Lily-James what are you doing?   
James-Ah nothing ::Whispers:: Mischief managed. I'm sorry to do this Lliy but.. ::Takes Lily's copy of Hogwarts A History and throws it as far as he can.::  
Lily-James once I get back up here I'm going to kill you ::Runs out of James' room::  
Sirius-So is it ready James.  
James-Yah. ::shows them the maurauders map::   
Lily comes back her copy of Hogwarts A History in her hand. Lily walks up to James and hits him as hard as she can with the book and knocks James unconscious. 10 minutes later James returns to consciousness.  
James-Ow what did you, do that for.  
Harry, though still rather small and skinny for his age, had grown a few inches over the last year. His jet-black hair, however, was just as it always had been - stubbornly untidy,   
Peter-Like James' hair.   
James-::smacks Peter:: I happen to like it messy.   
whatever he did to it. The eyes behind his glasses were bright green, and on his forehead, clearly visible through his hair, was a thin scar, shaped like a bolt of lightning. Of all the unusual things about Harry, this scar was the most extraordinary of all. It was not, as the Dursleys had pretended for ten years, a souvenir of the car crash that had killed Harry's parents, because Lily and James Potter had not died in a car crash. They had been murdered,  
Lily/James-Oh great we're finally mentioned and we're dead.  
Sirius-::Hugs James and starts to cry:: I d-don't w-want you t-t-to die.   
James-Don't worry Padfoot I'm not going to die.  
murdered by the most feared Dark wizard for a hundred years, Lord Voldemort.   
Peter-::flinches::

Harry had escaped from the same attack with nothing more than a scar on his forehead,  
Sirius-Wow a little kid is stronger than you Prongs.  
James-::smacks Sirius:: That's not funny.  
where Voldemort's  
Peter-::flinches::   
curse, instead of killing him, had rebounded upon its originator. Barely alive, Voldemort   
Peter-::flinches::   
Lily-Will you stop flinching?  
Peter-I can't help it.   
had fled. But Harry had come face-to-face with him at Hogwarts. Remembering their last meeting as he stood at the dark window, Harry had to admit he was lucky even to have reached his thirteenth birthday.  
Lily-Poor kid.  
Others-::nod in agreement::  
He scanned the starry sky for a sign of Hedwig, perhaps soaring back to him with a dead mouse dangling from her beak, expecting praise.   
Gazing absently over the rooftops, it was a few seconds before Harry realized what he was seeing.  
Silhouetted against the golden moon,  
Remus-::flinches::   
Lily-::looks confused::  
and growing larger every moment, was a large, strangely lopsided creature, and it was flapping in Harry's direction. He stood quite still, watching it sink lower and lower. For a split second he hesitated, his hand on the window latch, wondering whether to slam it shut. But the bizarre creature soared over one of the street lamps of Privet Drive, and Harry, realizing what it was, leapt aside.  
Through the window soared three owls, two of them holding up the third, which appeared to be unconscious.  
James-Poor owl.

They landed with a soft flump on Harry's bed, and the middle owl, which was large and gray, keeled right over and lay motionless. There was a large package tied to its legs.  
Harry recognized the unconscious owl at once - his name was Errol, and he belonged to the Weasley   
Lily- Weasley do you by any chance does that boy that was head boy last year come to mind.  
Others-No   
family. Harry dashed to the bed, untied the cords around Errol's legs, took off the parcel, and then carried Errol to Hedwig's cage. Errol opened on bleary eye, gave a feeble hoot of thanks, and began to gulp some water.  
Harry didn't recognize the third owl, a handsome tawny one, but he knew at once where it had come from, because in addition to a third package, it was carrying a letter bearing the Hogwarts crest. When Harry relieved this owl of its burden, it ruffled its feathers importantly, stretched its wings, and took off through the window into the night.   
Harry sat down on his bed and grabbed Errol's package, ripped of the brown paper, and discovered a present wrapped in gold, and his first ever birthday card.  
Peter-His first ever birthday card? But I thought he was 13.  
Others-::smack there own heads::  
Fingers trembling slightly, he opened the envelope. Two pieces of paper fell out - a letter and a newspaper clipping.  
The clipping had clearly come out of the wizarding newspaper, the Daily Prophet, because the people in the black-and-white picture were moving. Harry picked up the clipping, smoothed it out, and read:  
  
"Ministry of Magic Employee Scoops Grand Prize"  
  
Arthur Weasley, Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office at the Ministry of Magic, has one the annual Daily Prophet Grand Prize Galleon Draw.  
A delighted Mr. Weasley told the Daily Prophet, 'We will be spending the gold on a summer holiday in Egypt, where our eldest son, Bill, works as a curse breaker for Gringotts Wizarding Bank.'  
The Weasley family will be spending a month in Egypt, returning for the start of the new school year at Hogwarts, which five of the Weasley children currently attend.  
  
Harry scanned the moving photograph, and a grin spread across his face as he saw all nine of the Weasleys waving furiously at him., standing in front of a large pyramid. Plump little Mrs. Weasley; tall, balding Mr. Weasley; six sons; and one daughter;  
Lily-Poor girl.  
all (though the black-and-white picture didn't show it) with flaming-red hair. Right in the middle of the picture was Ron, tall and gangling, with his pet rat, Scabbers, on his shoulder and his arm around his little sister, Ginny. Harry couldn't think of anyone who deserved to win a large pile of gold more than the Weasleys, who were very nice and extremely poor. He picked up Ron's letter and unfolded it.  
Dear Harry,  
Happy Birthday!  
Look, I'm really sorry about that telephone call. I hope the Muggles didn't give you a hard time. I asked Dad, and he reckons I shouldn't have shouted.  
Remus-::snorts:: You think.  
It's amazing here in Egypt. Bill's taken us around all the tombs and you wouldn't believe the curses those old Egyptian wizards put on them. Mum wouldn't let Ginny come into the last one. There were all these mutant skeletons in there, of Muggles who'd broken in and grown extra heads and stuff.  
Muarauders- Cool!

I couldn't believe it when Dad won the Daily Prophet draw. Seven hundred galleons! Most of it's gone on this trop, bit they're going to buy me a new wand for next year.  
Harry remembered only too well the occasion when Ron's old wand had snapped. It had happened when the car the two of them had been flying to Hogwarts had crashed into a tree on the school grounds. We'll be back almost about a week before term starts and we'll be going up to London to get my wand and our new books. Any chance of meeting you there?   
Don't let the Muggles get you down!  
Ron  
P.S. Percy's Head Boy.  
James-I feel sorry for Ron having a head boy in his family.I would hate to be head boy.  
There was a knock on James' door.  
James' Mom- James your Hogwarts letter came.  
James went to open his bedroom door and got his Hogwarts letter.  
James-Thanks mom. ::reads his letter and faints::  
Lily-::Reads letter:: Cool James has been made Head Boy.  
Sirius-What? ::faints::  
Ten minutes later Sirius and James come back to conuiosness  
James-Don't tell me I just read what I think I read.  
Remus-Ok we won't tell you. Keep reading Lily.  
He got the letter last week. Harry glanced back at the photograph. Percy, who was in his seventh and final year at Hogwarts, was looking particularly smug. He had pinned his Head Boy badge to the fez perched jauntily on top of his neat hair, his horn-rimmed glasses flashing in the Egyptian sun. Harry now turned to his present and unwrapped it. Inside was what looked like a miniature glass spinning top.  
James/Sirius- That must be a sneakascope.There was another note from Ron beneath it.  
Harry – this is a Pocket Sneakoscope. If there's someone untrustworthy around, it's supposed to light up and spin. Bill says it's rubbish sold for wizard tourists and isn't reliable. But he didn't realise Fred and George had put beetles in his soup.  
James-I think that Fred and George are going to become maurauders jr.   
Peter/Sirius/Remus-Agreed.

Bye -  
Ron  
Harry put the Pocket Sneakoscope on his bedside table, where it stood quite still, balanced on its point, reflecting the luminous hands of his clock. He looked at it happily for a few seconds, then picked up the parcel Hedwig had brought.  
Inside this, too, there was a wrapped present, a card, and a letter, this time from Hermione.  
Dear Harry,  
Ron wrote to me and told me about his phone call to your Uncle Vernon. I do hope you're all right.  
I'm on holiday in France at the moment and I didn't know how I was going to send this to you – what if they'd opened it at customs? – but then Hedwig turned up!  
  
Sirius/James-That's a smart owl.  
Remus-Will you two stop doing that?   
Sirius/James-Doing what?  
Remus-That.  
Sirius/James-No I don't think so.  
I think she wanted to make sure you got something for your birthday for a change. I bought your present by owl-order; there was an advertisement in the Daily Prophet (I've been getting it delivered; it's so good to keep up with what's going on in the wizarding world). Did you see that picture of Ron and his family a week ago? I bet he's learning loads. I'm really jealous – the ancient Egyptian wizards were fascinating.  
There's some interesting local history of witchcraft here, too. I've rewritten my whole History of Magic essay to include some of the things I've found out. I hope it's not too long – it's two rolls of parchment more than Professor Binns asked for.   
Remus-She sounds like you Lily.   
Lily-No she doesn't. ::takes book at hits Remus on the head with it::  
Remus-::howls in pain::  
Lily-Wow Remus you sounded just like a wolf.  
Peter/James/Sirius-::gulp::  
James-Remus do you know what day it is today.  
Remus-Oh my gosh ::looks at watch:: It's half and hour till sunset. Bye guys.  
Lily-What are you talking about?  
Remus-Now isn't the time to tell you I need to get home. I'll tell you tomorow. ::rushes out the door::   
Lily-Should we wait for Remus to come back.  
James-::nods::   
James' mom-Kids dinner.  
Everyone rushes oput the door to have dinner.  
THE NEXT DAY  
Sirius is bouncing on Peters and James' beds "wake up wake up."  
"OK OK I'm up." Said James.  
There's a knock at James ' door.  
"James are you awake?" Came the voice of James' mom  
"Yes mom." James said.  
"Good cause Reamus is here." Remus comes into James and Sirius' room.  
"Hey Monny come in." Sirius said.  
"I'm already in." Said Remus laughing.  
"So you going to tell Lily?" James asked.  
"Yes. Remus said. "I'm going to tell Lily."  
"Tell me what ?" A voice that belong to Lily said.   
"Come in and close the door behind you." Said James.  
Lily looked sort of confused but came in.  
"Um well Lily." Began Remus.  
"Remus is a warewolf." Blurted out Sirius.  
Remus smacked Sirius.  
"I know." Lily said.  
"You do." Remus said.  
"Yah it was sort of obvious." Lily said.  
"Well at least you didn't react like some people did. Some times when I tell people they run off and treat me like some kind of dangerous creature."  
"Well in a way you are." Said James.  
Remus shot a dagerous look at him.  
"So wanna continue reading the book?" Peter asked.  
"Sure" said Remus.

Ron says he's going to be in London in the last week of the holidays. Can you make it? Will your aunt and uncle let you come? If not, I'll see you on the Hogwarts Express on September first!  
Love from   
Sirius-I smell a crush.  
Lily-What do you mean?  
Sirius-Well she ended her letter with 'Love from'  
Lily-I always end my letters with 'Love from'  
Sirius-True.   
Hermione.  
PS Ron says Percy's Head Boy. I'll bet Percy's really pleased. Ron doesn't seem too happy about it.  
Harry laughed as he put Hermione's letter aside and picked up her present. It was heavey.  
Sirius-I bet it's a book.  
James-How much do you bet?  
Sirius-24 galleons  
James-Deal.  
Knowing Hermione, he was sure it would be a large book full of complicated spells—but it wasn't.  
James-Pay up Sirius.  
Sirius-::hands James 24 galleons::   
His heart gave a huge bound as he ripped back the paper and saw a sleek black leather case, with silver words stamped across it, reading Broomstick Servicing Kit.   
James/Sirius-Cool I want one.  
"Wow, Hermione!" Harry whispered, unzipping the case to look inside. There was a large jar of Fleetwood's High-Finish Handle Polish, a pair of gleaming silver Tail-Twig Clippers, a tiny brass compass to clip on your broom for long journeys, and a Handbook of Do-It-Yourself Broomcare.  
Remus-For some reason I think that that handbook will come in handy.   
Sirius-Wanna bet.  
Remus-No that's ok.   
Apart from his friends, the thing that Harry missed about Hogwarts was Quidditch, the most popular sport in the magical world—highly dangerous, very exciting, and played on broomsticks. Harry happened to be a very good Quidditch player;  
he had been the youngest person in a century to be picked for one of the Hogwarts House teams.   
Sirius/Peter/Remus-Cool.  
Lily-James what's wrong.  
James-Harry's better than me at Quittitch.   
One of Harry's most prized possessions was his Nimbus Two Thousand racing broom.  
Harry put the leather case aside and picked up his last parcel. He recognized the untidy scrawl on the brown paper at once: this was from Hagrid, the Hogwarts gamekeeper. He tore off the top layer of paper and glimpsed something green and leathery, but before he could unwrap it properly, The parcel gave a strange quiver, and whatever was inside it snapped loudly—as though it had jaws.  
All- Oh no this can't be good.  
Hagrid didn't have a normal person's view of what was dangerous. Hagrid had been known to befriend giant spiders, buy vicious, three-headed dogs from men in pubs, and sneak illegal dragons into his cabin.   
Harry poked the parcel nervously. It snapped loudly again.   
All-Oh no.

Harry reached for the lamp on his bedside table, gripped it firmly in one hand, and raised it over his head, ready to strike. Then he seized Harry froze. He knew that Hagrid would never send him anything dangerous on purpose, but then, the rest of the wrapping paper in his other hand and pulled.  
And out fell—a book. Harry just had time to register its handsome green cover, emblazoned with the golden title The Monster Book of Monsters,  
Lily-Dun dun dun  
Before it flipped onto its edge and scuttled sideways along the bed like some weird crab.  
"Uh-oh," Harry muttered.   
James' mom-Kids breakfast.   
Everyone rushes out the door and Remus put's the book down unaware that they had broken the book binding and that a 16 year old boy by the name of Harry Potter had landed on Sirius' bed.

The maurauders and Lily come back into the room 20 minutes later.   
Peter-That was the best meal I've ever had.  
Remus-You say that after every meal Wormtail.  
Peter-Yah but this time I meant it.  
Others-::laugh but stop when they see Harry::  
Peter-Ahhh It's the attack of James and his messy hair. ::cowers under James' bed.::  
Harry-::tries to flatten his bangs over his scar,::   
James-That won't help.  
Sirius-Yah if you have hair like Prongs then you'll have to cut it all off if you want it to lay flat. ::whispers in Harry's ear::trust me we've tried.   
Remus-What are you doing here anyway?  
Harry-::shrugs::I-I don't know. I could have just apperated on accident it's happened before but I don't think people can apperate into the past.   
Lily-What do you mean apperate into the past?  
Harry-Well you see your well your sort of my my mom.  
Maurauders-::laughing::   
Harry-::turning towrds James:: And your my father. Sirius your my godfather and a convinsed murderer, Remus your well you used to be the best DADA teacher the schools ever had and Peter your the biggest traiter that I've ever met.  
Peter-::turns into a rat and hids under the bed::  
Lily-Cool Peter your an amagius?   
Remus/James/Sirius-Great going Wormtail..  
Lily-So I'm your mom and James is your dad.  
Harry-::nods::  
Lily-So your Harry.   
Harry-::Nods again::  
Sirius-Ah man the book broke.   
Lily-Sirius!  
Sirius-What?  
Lily-::smacks Sirius::   
Sirius-Do you always have to hit me we haven't even finished the first chapter and you've already hit me about a gazillion times.  
Harry-What book are you reading?  
Lily-::hands Harry the book::  
Remus-Should I continue reading?  
Lily-Sure. Oh and Harry if anyone asks your Harry Evans my cousin.

The book toppled off the bed with a loud clunk and shuffled rapidly across the room. Harry followed it stealthily. The book was hiding in the dark space under his desk. Praying that the Dursleys were still fast asleep, Harry got down on his hands and knees and reached toward it.  
"Ouch!"  
Lily-Something tells me that the book bit him.  
Harry-It did and it really hurt too.  
This book snapped shut on his hand and then flapped past him, still scuttling on its covers. Harry scrambled around, threw himself forward, and managed to flatten it. Uncle Vernon gave a loud, sleepy grunt in the room next door.  
Hedwig and Errol watched interestedly as Harry clamped the struggling book tightly in his arms, hurried to his chest of drawers, and pulled out a belt, which he buckled tightly around it. The Monster Book shuddered angrily, but could no longer flap and snap, so Harry threw it down on the bed and reached for Hagrid's card.  
Dear Harry,  
Happy Birthday!   
Think you might find this useful for next year   
Lily-How would Harry find a bitting book useful.  
James-I don't know but this is Hagrid we're talking about  
Harry-::opens his mouth put Lily puts tape on it::   
Lily-Even though you've lived this doesn't mean you have to ruin it for all of us.  
Won't say no more here. Tell you when I see you.  
Hope the Muggles are treating you right.  
All the best,  
Hagrid.  
It struck Harry. As ominous that Hagrid thought that a biting book would come in useful, but he put Hagrid's card up next to Ron's and Hermione's, grinning more broadly then ever. Now there was only the letter from Hogwarts left.  
Noticing that it was rather thicker than usual, Harry slit open the envelope, pulled out the first page of parchment within, and read:  
Dear Mr. Potter,  
Please note that the new school year will begin on September the first. The Hogwarts Express will leave from King's Cross station, platform nine and three-quarters, at eleven o'clock.  
Third years are permitted to visit the village of Hogsmeade on certain weekends.   
Maurauders-Cool Harry gets to go to Hogsmeade  
James/Sirius-He gets to go to Honeydukes.  
Peter-And the Shriking Shack.  
Please give the enclosed permission form to your parent or guardian to sign.   
A list of books for next year is enclosed.  
Yours sincerely,   
Professor M. McGonagall  
Deputy Headmistress'  
Harry pulled out the Hogsmeade permission form and looked at it, no longer grinning. It would be wonderful to visit Hogsmeade on weekends; he knew it was an entirely wizarding village, and he had never set foot there. But how on earth was he going to persuade Uncle Vernon or Aunt Petunia to sign the form?   
Sirius/James-Oh no we never thought of that.  
He looked over at the alarm clock. It was now two o'clock in the morning.  
Sirius-It takes Harry an hour just to read 3 letters.  
Harry-hjfhixnv udg (translation-no it doesn't)

Deciding that he'd worry about the Hogsmeade form when he woke up. Harry got back into bed and reached up to cross off another day on the chart he'd made for himself, counting down the days left until his return to Hogwarts. Then he took off his glasses and lay down, eyes open, facing his three birthday cards.  
Extremely unusual though he was, at that moment Harry Potter felt just like everyone else—glad, for the first time in his life, that it was his birthday.   
Lily-Awww that's such a good ending.  
Sirius/James-Your not telling me that it's the end of the book.  
Lily-No it's just the end of the chapter.   
Sirius/James-Oh we knew that.  
Lily-Sure you did.   
Sirius/James-::glare at Lily::


	2. Aunt Marges Big Mistake

Chapter 2: Aunt Marge's Big Mistake  
Lily-Ok who wants to read the next chapter  
Remus-I do.  
Lily-::hands Remus the book:: Okay.   
Harry-fnhjfhsighbbgyouab  
Lily-No Harry I'm not going to take the tape off.  
Harry-::pouts::  
Harry went down to breakfast the next morning to find the three Dursleys already sitting around the kitchen table. They were watching a brand-new television, a welcome-home-for-the-summer present for Dudley, who had been complaining loudly about the long walk between the fridge and the television in the living room.   
All-Spoiled brat.   
Dudley had spent most of the summer in the kitchen, his piggy little eyes fixed on the screen and his five chins wobbling as he ate continually.   
James-Ewww bad mental picture. I fell sorry for you Harry.  
Harry-::blushes::   
Harry sat down between Dudley and Uncle Vernon, a large, beefy man with very little neck and a lot of mustache. Far from wishing Harry a happy birthday, none of the Dursleys made any sign that they had noticed Harry enter the room,   
James/Lily-::growl and glare at book::  
but Harry was far too used to this to care. He helped himself to a piece of toast and then looked up at the reporter on the television, who was halfway through a report on an escaped convict:  
James-Called Severeus Snape  
Sirius-Or Lucius Malfoy.  
Remus-Or Sirius Black.  
Sirius-Hey.  
Remus-No that's what it says in the book listen.  
"... The public is warned that Black is armed and extremely dangerous.   
All-.................  
James-What'd you do Padfoot.  
Sirius-Nothing that might have been my brother or someone else in my family I mean it only said Black.  
Harry-nguyfvs hgfd (translation: It's not)  
Lily-Shut up Harry.

A special hot line has been set up, and any sighting of Black should be reported immediately."  
"No need to tell us he's no good," snorted Uncle Vernon, staring over the top of his newspaper at the prisoner. "Look at the state of him, the filthy layabout! Look at his hair!"  
Sirius-::Glares at book::  
He shot a nasty look sideways at Harry, whose untidy hair had always   
been a source of great annoyance to Uncle Vernon. Compared to the man on  
the television, however, whose gaunt face was surrounded by a matted,  
elbow-length tangle, Harry felt very well groomed indeed.  
Sirius-::continues to glare at book::  
Lily-Sirius you're going to hurt your eyes if you continue to glare at that book.  
Sirius-I don't care.   
The reporter had reappeared.  
"The Ministry of Agriculture and Fisheries will announce today --"   
"Hang on!" barked Uncle Vernon, staring furiously at the reporter. "You  
didn't tell us where that maniac's escaped from! What use is that?  
Lunatic could be coming up the street right now!"  
Sirius-On a giant flying motercycle about to kill you all.  
Others excluding Peter-::groan::  
Peter-::snore::  
James-Has he been sleeping this whole time.  
Harry-::nods::   
Aunt Petunia, who was bony and horse-faced,  
Lily-That's a good discription of Petunia.  
intently out of the kitchen window. Harry knew Aunt Petunia would simply  
love to be the one to call the hot line number. She was the nosiest  
woman in the world and spent most of her life spying on the boring,   
law-abiding neighbors.  
"When will they learn," said Uncle Vernon, pounding the table with his  
large purple fist, "that hanging's the only way to deal with these  
people?"   
All-::glare at book::   
"Very true," said Aunt Petunia, who was still squinting into next door's runner beans.(A/N what are runner beans)  
Remus/Lily-Runner beans?  
James/Sirius/Peter-Oooooooo Lily and Remus don't know something.  
Lily/Remus-Shut up.   
Uncle Vernon drained his teacup, glanced at his watch, and added, "I'd  
better be off in a minute, Petunia. Marge's train gets in at ten."  
Harry, whose thoughts had been upstairs with the Broomstick Servicing  
Kit, was brought back to earth with an unpleasant bump.  
"Aunt Marge?" he blurted out. "Sh -- she's not coming here, is she?"   
James-She can't be as bad as the Dursleys can she.  
Harry-mndsdh gcud (translation: she is)   
Peter-Bye, bye Harry it was nice knowing you.  
Harry-::smacks Peter.

Aunt Marge was Uncle Vernon's sister. Even though she was not a blood   
relative of Harry's (whose mother had been Aunt Petunia's sister), he  
had been forced to call her "Aunt" all his life.  
Aunt Marge lived in the  
country, in a house with a large garden, where she bred bulldogs. She  
didn't often stay at Privet Drive, because she couldn't bear to leave  
her precious dogs, but each of her visits stood out horribly vividly in  
Harry's mind. At Dudley's fifth birthday party, Aunt Margo had whacked Harry around  
the shins with her walking stick to stop him from beating Dudley at  
musical statues.   
Lily/James-She didn't!   
Peter-She did  
All excluding Peter-::stare at Peter::   
Peter-What?  
All excluding Peter-Never mind.  
Sirius-Peter you woke up.  
Peter-I did ::snores::

A few years later, she had turned up at Christmas with  
a computerized robot for Dudley and a box of dog biscuits for Harry.   
All-::Glare at book::   
On her last visit, the year before Harry started at Hogwarts, Harry had accidentally trodden on the tail of her favorite dog. Ripper had chased  
Harry out into the garden and up a tree, and Aunt Marge had refused to  
call him off until past midnight.  
All-::continue to glare at the book::  
Lily/James-How could she?!?!  
Sirius-Very easily.  
James-::smacks Sirius::  
Sirius-Ow stop smacking me   
The memory of this incident still brought tears of laughter to Dudley's eyes.   
Sirius - Well, now that's better, at least Dudley thought that was a bit harsh.   
Marge'll be here for a week," Uncle Vernon snarled, 11 and while we're  
on the subject" -- he pointed a fat finger threateningly at Harry -- "we  
need to get a few things straight before I go and collect her."   
James- 'collect her' what is she some kind of animal.  
Lily-Actually she's a hippo.   
Others-::snicker::  
Dudley smirked and withdrew his gaze from the television. Watching Harry   
being bullied by Uncle Vernon was Dudley's favorite form of   
entertainment.  
All-::Glare and growl at book::  
"Firstly," growled Uncle Vernon, "you'll keep a civil tongue in your  
head when you're talking to Marge."  
"All right," said Harry bitterly, "if she does when she's talking to me."   
James-Spoken like a true maurauder Harry. ::puts an arm around Harry::

"Secondly," said Uncle Vernon, acting as though he had not heard Harry's  
reply, "as Marge doesn't know anything about your abnormality, I don't   
want any -- any funny stuff while she's here.  
You behave yourself, got me?"  
"I will if she does," said Harry through gritted teeth.  
"And thirdly," said Uncle Vernon, his mean little eyes now slits in his  
great purple face, "we've told Marge you attend St. Brutus's Secure  
Center for Incurably Criminal Boys."   
All-WHAT!?!?!!?!?   
"What?" Harry yelled.   
All-Exactly what we said.   
"And you'll be sticking to that story, boy, or there'll be trouble," spat  
Uncle Vernon.   
Harry sat there, white-faced and furious, staring at Uncle Vernon,  
hardly able to believe it. Aunt Marge coming for a weeklong visit -- it  
was the worst birthday present the Dursleys had ever given him,  
including that pair of Uncle Vernon's old socks.  
Lily-That's it I've just decided to kick Vernon's butt.  
Maurauders-Cool can we come.  
Lily-Sure.  
"Well, Petunia," said Uncle Vernon, getting heavily to his feet, "I'll   
be off to the station, then. Want to come along for the ride, Dudders?"  
"No," said Dudley, whose attention had returned to the television now  
that Uncle Vernon had finished threatening Harry.  
"Duddy's got to make himself smart for his auntie,"  
All-::snort:: And you think you'll be able to do that in less than an hour.   
said Aunt Petunia,  
smoothing Dudley's thick blond hair. "Mummy's bought him a lovely new  
bow tie."  
Uncle Vernon clapped Dudley on his porky shoulder. "See you in a bit,  
then," he said, and he left the kitchen.  
Harry, who had been sitting in a kind of horrified trance, had a sudden  
idea. Abandoning his toast, he got quickly to his feet and followed  
Uncle Vernon to the front door.  
Uncle Vernon was pulling on his car coat.  
"I'm not taking you," he snarled as he turned to see Harry watching him.   
Sirius-Lilke he'd want to come.

"Like I wanted to come," said Harry coldly.  
All excluding Sirius- Woah freaky  
"I want to ask you  
something."  
Uncle Vernon eyed him suspiciously.  
"Third years at Hog -- at my school are allowed to visit the village  
sometimes," said Harry.  
"So?" snapped Uncle Vernon, taking his car keys from a hook next to the   
door.  
"I need you to sign the permission form," said Harry in a rush.  
"And why should I do that?" sneered Uncle Vernon.  
"Well," said Harry, choosing his words carefully, "it'll be hard work,  
pretending to Aunt Marge I go to that St. Whatsits --"   
Lily-I see what he's doing good plan Harry.  
Harry-::bluses::  
"St. Brutus's Secure Center for Incurably Criminal Boys!" bellowed Uncle  
Vernon, and Harry was pleased to hear a definite note of panic in Uncle  
Vernon's voice.  
"Exactly," said Harry, looking calmly up into Uncle Vernon's large,  
purple face. "It's a lot to remember. I'll have to make it sound  
convincing, won't I? What if I accidentally let something slip?"  
"You'll get the stuffing knocked out of you, won't you?" roared Uncle   
Vernon, advancing on Harry with his fist raised. But Harry stood his  
ground.  
All-::glare at book::  
"Knocking the stuffing out of me won't make Aunt Marge forget what I  
could tell her," he said grimly.  
Uncle Vernon stopped, his fist still raised, his face an ugly puce.  
"But if you sign my permission form," Harry went on quickly, "I swear  
I'll remember where I'm supposed to go to school, and I'll act like a  
Mug -- like I'm normal and everything."  
  
Sirius-Acting like a Muggle is normal.  
Remus-It is to muggles.'

Harry could tell that Uncle Vernon was thinking it over, even if his  
teeth were bared and a vein was throbbing in his temple.  
"Right," he snapped finally. "I shall monitor your behavior carefully   
during Marge's visit. If, at the end of it, you've toed the line and  
kept to the story, I'll sign your ruddy form."   
Mauauders- Yay he did it.   
He wheeled around, pulled open the front door, and slammed it so hard  
that one of the little panes of glass at the top fell out.  
Harry didn't return to the kitchen. He went back upstairs to his  
bedroom. If he was going to act like a real Muggle, he'd better start  
now. Slowly and sadly he gathered up all his presents and his birthday  
cards and hid them under the loose floorboard with his homework. Then he  
went to Hedwig's cage. Errol seemed to have recovered; he and Hedwig  
were both asleep, heads under their wings. Harry sighed, then poked them   
both awake.  
"Hedwig," he said gloomily, "you're going to have to clear off for a  
week. Go with Errol. Ron'll look after you. I'll write him a note,  
explaining. And don't look at me like that" -- Hedwig's large amber eyes  
were reproachful -- "it's not my fault. It's the only way I'll be  
allowed to visit Hogsmeade with Ron and Hermione."   
Marauders - There are other ways . . . smile mischeviously  
Ten minutes later, Errol and Hedwig (who had a note to Ron bound to her   
leg) soared out of the window and out of sight. Harry, now feeling  
thoroughly miserable, put the empty cage away inside the wardrobe.  
But Harry didn't have long to brood. In next to no time, Aunt Petunia  
was shrieking up the stairs for Harry to come down and get ready to  
welcome their guest.  
"Do something about your hair!" Aunt Petunia snapped as he reached the  
hall.   
Harry couldn't see the point of trying to make his hair lie flat. Aunt  
Marge loved criticizing him, so the untidier he looked, the happier she  
would be.  
All-::Glare at book::  
All too soon, there was a crunch of gravel outside as Uncle Vernon's car   
pulled back into the driveway, then the clunk of the car doors and  
footsteps on the garden path.  
"Get the door!" Aunt Petunia hissed at Harry.  
Sirius-Is Petunia half snake or something.  
Lily-No she's half horse.   
A feeling of great gloom in his stomach, Harry pulled the door open.  
On the threshold stood Aunt Marge. She was very like Uncle Vernon:  
large, beefy, and purple- faced, she even had a mustache, though not as  
bushy as his. In one hand she held an enormous suitcase, and tucked  
under the other was an old and evil-tempered bulldog.  
"Where's my Dudders?" roared Aunt Marge. "Where's my neffy-poo?"   
All-NEFFY-POO? ::Start laughing.   
Dudley came waddling down the hall, his blond hair plastered flat to his  
fat head, a bow tie just visible under his many chins. Aunt Marge thrust  
the suitcase into Harry's stomach, knocking the wind out of him,   
All-::glare at book::

seized Dudley in a tight one-armed hug, and planted a large kiss on his cheek.  
Harry knew perfectly well that Dudley only put up with Aunt Marge's hugs  
because he was well paid for it, and sure enough, when they broke apart,  
Dudley had a crisp twenty-pound note clutched in his fat fist.  
"Petunia!" shouted Aunt Marge, striding past Harry as though he was a  
hat stand. Aunt Marge and Aunt Petunia kissed, or rather, Aunt Marge  
bumped her large jaw against Aunt Petunia's bony cheekbone.  
Uncle Vernon now came in, smiling jovially as he shut the door.  
"Tea, Marge?" he said. "And what will Ripper take?"  
"Ripper can have some tea out of my saucer," said Aunt Marge as they all   
proceeded into the kitchen, leaving Harry alone in the hall with the  
suitcase. But Harry wasn't complaining; any excuse not to be with Aunt  
Marge was fine by him, so he began to heave the case upstairs into the  
spare bedroom, taking as long as he could. By the time he got back to the kitchen, Aunt Marge had been supplied with tea and fruitcake, and Ripper was lapping noisily in the corner.   
Harry saw Aunt Petunia wince slightly as specks of tea and drool flecked her clean floor. Aunt Petunia hated animals.   
  
Maurauders-::Glare at book::  
"Who's looking after the other dogs, Marge?" Uncle Vernon asked.  
"Oh, I've got Colonel Fubster managing them," boomed Aunt Marge. "He's retired now, good for him to have something to do. But I couldn't leave poor old Ripper. He pines if he's away from me."   
Ripper began to growl again as Harry sat down. This directed Aunt   
Marge's attention to Harry for the first time.  
"So!" she barked. "Still here, are you?"   
James as Harry-No this is the ghost of James coming to haunt you.  
Others-::sni gger::   
"Yes," said Harry.  
"Don't you say yes' in that ungrateful tone," Aunt Marge growled. "It's   
damn good of Vernon and Petunia to keep you. Wouldn't have done it  
myself. You'd have gone straight to an orphanage if you'd been dumped on  
my doorstep."  
Harry was bursting to say that he'd rather live in an orphanage than  
with the Dursleys, but the thought of the Hogsmeade form stopped him. He  
forced his face into a painful smile.  
"Don't you smirk at me!" boomed Aunt Marge. "I can see you haven't  
improved since I last saw you. I hoped school would knock some manners  
into you." She took a large gulp of tea, wiped her mustache, and said,  
"Where is it that you send him, again, Vernon?"  
"St. Brutus's," said Uncle Vernon promptly. "It's a first-rate   
institution for hopeless cases."  
"I see," said Aunt Marge. "Do they use the cane at St. Brutus's, boy?"   
she barked across the table.  
"Er --"  
Uncle Vernon nodded curtly behind Aunt Marge's back.  
"Yes," said Harry. Then, feeling he might as well do the thing properly,  
he added, "all the time."  
"Excellent," said Aunt Marge. "I won't have this namby-pamby,  
wishy-washy nonsense about not hitting people who deserve it. A good  
thrashing is what's needed in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred. Have  
you been beaten often?"  
Lily - I hope you said no.  
Harry-::gulps::

"Oh, yeah," said Harry, "loads of times."  
Lily-::hits Harry:: How could you have been so stupid as to say yes.   
Marauders-::sn igger::

Aunt Marge narrowed her eyes.  
"I still don't like your tone, boy," she said. "If you can speak of your  
beatings in that casual way, they clearly aren't hitting you hard  
enough. Petunia, I'd write if I were you. Make it clear that you approve  
the use of extreme force in this boy's case."  
Perhaps Uncle Vernon was worried that Harry might forget their bargain;  
in any case, he changed the subject abruptly.  
"Heard the news this morning, Marge? What about that escaped prisoner,  
eh?"   
Remus- I think that he got what he deserved.  
Sirius-::smacks Remus::   
As Aunt Marge started to make herself at home, Harry caught himself  
thinking almost longingly of life at number four without her. Uncle  
Vernon and Aunt Petunia usually encouraged Harry to stay out of their  
way, which Harry was only too happy to do. Aunt Marge, on the other  
hand, wanted Harry under her eye at all times, so that she could boom  
out suggestions for his improvement. She delighted in comparing Harry   
with Dudley, and took huge pleasure in buying Dudley expensive presents  
while glaring at Harry, as though daring him to ask why he hadn't got a  
present too. She also kept throwing out dark hints about what made Harry  
such an unsatisfactory person.  
"You mustn't blame yourself for the way the boy's turned out, Vernon,"   
she said over lunch on the third day. "If there's something rotten on  
the inside, there's nothing anyone can do about it."   
Harry tried to concentrate on his food, but his hands shook and his face  
was starting to burn with anger. Remember the form, he told himself  
Think about Hogsmeade. Don't say anything. Don't rise  
Aunt Marge reached for her glass of wine.  
"It's one of the basic rules of breeding," she said. "You see it all the  
time with dogs. If there's something wrong with the b!tch,   
Lily-She didn't just call me what I thought she did, did she?  
James-I'm going to kill Marge.   
Harry-nczuidf fdjshds gjdahv dafygb grh dgfujdn (translation: can you take the tape off.)  
Lily- At the end of the chapter.

there'll be something wrong with the pup --"  
At that moment, the wineglass Aunt Marge was holding exploded in her  
hand. Shards of glass flew in every direction and Aunt Marge sputtered  
and blinked, her great ruddy face dripping.  
At that moment, the wineglass Aunt Marge was holding exploded in her  
hand. Shards of glass flew in every direction and Aunt Marge sputtered  
and blinked, her great ruddy face dripping.  
"Marge!" squealed Aunt Petunia. "Marge, are you all right?"  
"Not to worry," grunted Aunt Marge, mopping her face with her napkin.   
"Must have squeezed it too hard. Did the same thing at Colonel Fubster's  
the other day. No need to fuss, Petunia, I have a very firm grip..."  
But Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon were both looking at Harry  
suspiciously, so he decided he'd better skip dessert and escape from the  
table as soon as he could.   
Outside in the hall, he leaned against the wall, breathing deeply It had  
been a long time since he'd lost control and made something explode. He  
couldn't afford to let it happen again. The Hogsmeade form wasn't the  
only thing at stake -- if he carried on like that, he'd be in trouble  
with the Ministry of Magic.   
Sirius - Try expelled.   
Harry got through the next three days by forcing himself to think about  
his Handbook of Do-It-Yourself Broomcare  
Remus-I knew that handbook would come in handy.   
whenever Aunt Marge started on him. This worked quite well, though it seemed to give him a glazed look, because Aunt Marge started voicing the opinion that he was mentally subnormal.  
At last, at long last, the final evening of Marge's stay arrived. Aunt  
Petunia cooked a fancy dinner and Uncle Vernon uncorked several bottles  
of wine. They got all the way through the soup and the salmon without a  
single mention of Harry's faults; during the lemon meringue pie, Uncle Vernon bored them A with a long talk about Grunnings, his drill-making  
company; then Aunt Petunia made coffee and Uncle Vernon brought out a  
bottle of brandy.  
"Can I tempt you, Marge?"  
Aunt Marge had already had quite a lot of wine. Her huge face was very  
red.   
"Just a small one, then," she chuckled. "A bit more than that... and a  
bit more... that's the ticket."   
Sirius- That doesn't sound like a little bit.  
James - Because it isn't. It's just about a full glass, I bet.  
Sirius-How much.  
James-5 galleons.   
Sirius-Harry was it full glass or not.  
Harry-djggjddirb jvfj finb (translation:A full glass)  
James-Pay Up Sirius.   
Sirius-::hands James 5 galleons::

Dudley was eating his fourth slice of pie. Aunt Petunia was sipping  
coffee with her little finger sticking out. Harry really wanted to   
disappear into his bedroom, but he met Uncle Vernon's angry little eyes  
and knew he would have to sit it out.  
"Aah," said Aunt Marge, smacking her lips and putting the empty brandy   
glass back down. "Excellent nosh, Petunia. It's normally just a fry-up  
for me of an evening, with twelve dogs to look after...." She burped  
richly and patted her great tweed stomach. "Pardon me. But I do like to  
see a healthy-sized boy," she went on, winking at Dudley. "You'll be a   
proper-sized man, Dudders, like your father. Yes, I'll have a spot more  
brandy, Vernon...."  
"Now, this one here --"  
She jerked her head at Harry, who felt his stomach clench. The Handbook,  
he thought quickly.  
"This one's got a mean, runty look about him. You get that with dogs. I  
had Colonel Fubster drown one last year. Ratty little thing it was-   
Weak. Underbred."  
Harry was trying to remember page twelve of his book: A Charm to Cure Reluctant Reversers. "It all comes down to blood,  
  
Sirius-She's definitely a Slytherin talking about blood.  
James-Padfoot you're forgeting that she's muggle.  
Sirius-Oh yah.   
as I was saying the other day. Bad blood will out. Now, I'm saying nothing against your family,   
Petunia" she patted Aunt Petunia's bony hand with her shove like one "but your sister was a bad egg.   
Lily/James-::glares::   
They turn up in the best families. Then she ran off with a wastrel and here's the result right in front of us."  
Harry was staring at his plate, a funny ringing in his ears. Grasp your  
broom firmly by the tail, he thought. But he couldn't remember what came  
next. Aunt Marge's voice seemed to be boring into him like one of Uncle  
Vernon's drills.  
"This Potter," said Aunt Marge loudly, seizing the brandy bottle and   
splashing more into her glass and over the tablecloth, "you never told  
me what he did?"  
Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia were looking extremely tense. Dudley had  
even looked up from his pie to gape at his parents.  
"He -- didn't work," said Uncle Vernon, with half a glance at Harry.  
"Unemployed."   
James-I am not unemployed. I've actually been thinking about becoming a chaser for one of the quittich teams.  
Remus-Like anyone would pick you for a team.   
James-Hey I'm captian aren't I.  
Sirius-No I'm captian.   
James-Oh yah.  
Other-::laugh::

"As I expected!" said Aunt Marge, taking a huge swig of brandy and   
wiping her chin on her sleeve. "A no-account, good-for-nothing, lazy  
scrounger who --"  
"He was not,"  
said Harry suddenly. The table went very quiet. Harry was  
shaking all over. He had never felt so angry in his life.   
"MORE BRANDY!" yelled Uncle Vernon, who had gone very white. He emptied  
the bottle into Aunt Marge's glass. "You, boy," he snarled at Harry. "Go  
to bed, go on --"   
"No, Vernon," hiccuped Aunt Marge, holding up a hand, her tiny bloodshot  
eyes fixed on Harry's. "Go on, boy, go on. Proud of your parents, are  
you? They go and get themselves killed in a car crash (drunk, I expect)--"   
James-Hey I don't drink butterbeer that much.  
Sirius-Yes you do.  
James-::Smacks Sirius::   
Sirius-Will you stop hitting me.

James-::pretends to think for a second:: NO!

'They didn't die in a car crash!" said Harry, who found himself on his   
feet.  
"They died in a car crash, you nasty little liar, and left you to be a  
burden on their decent, hardworking relatives!" screamed Aunt Marge,  
swelling with fury. "You are an insolent, ungrateful little --"  
But Aunt Marge suddenly stopped speaking. For a moment, it looked as  
though words had failed her. She seemed to be swelling with  
inexpressible anger -- but the swelling didn't stop. Her great red face  
started to expand, her tiny eyes bulged, and her mouth stretched too  
tightly for speech -- next second, several buttons had just burst from  
her tweed jacket and pinged off the walls -- she was inflating like a   
monstrous balloon, her stomach bursting free of her tweed waistband,  
each of her fingers blowing up like a salami --   
Lily-Oh no Harry used wandless magic.  
Harry-fbeko kfchf(translation: I did?)   
James/Sirius-Wandless magic cool I wish I could do that.   
"MARGE!" yelled Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia together as Aunt Marge's  
whole body began to rise off her chair toward the ceiling. She was  
entirely round, now, like a vast life buoy with piggy eyes, and her  
hands and feet stuck out weirdly as she drifted up into the air, making   
apoplectic popping noises. Ripper came skidding into the room, barking  
madly.  
"NOOOOOOO!"  
Uncle Vernon seized one of Marge's feet and tried to pull her down  
again, but was almost lifted from the floor himself. A second later,  
Ripper leapt forward and sank his teeth into Uncle Vernon's leg.  
Harry tore from the dining room before anyone could stop him, heading  
for the cupboard under the stairs. The cupboard door burst magically   
open as he reached it.  
Lily-More magic did you want to get expelled  
Harry-hu fdh cdjbv dddhj vks jdbvsd (translation:I wasn't doing it on purpose)   
In seconds, he had heaved his trunk to the front  
door. He sprinted upstairs and threw himself under the bed, wrenching up  
the loose floorboard, and grabbed the pillowcase full of his books and  
birthday presents. He wriggled out, seized Hedwig's empty cage, and  
dashed back downstairs to his trunk, just as Uncle Vernon burst out of  
the dining room, his trouser leg in bloody tatters.  
"COME BACK IN HERE!" he bellowed. "COME BACK AND PUT HER  
RIGHT!"  
But a reckless rage had come over Harry. He kicked his trunk open,  
pulled out his wand, and pointed it at Uncle Vernon.  
"She deserved it," Harry said, breathing very fast. "She deserved what   
she got. You keep away from me."   
All excluding Harry - .........   
He fumbled behind him for the latch on the door.  
"I'm going," Harry said. "I've had enough."  
And in the next moment, he was out in the dark, quiet street, heaving  
his heavy trunk behind him, Hedwig's cage under his arm.  
Remus-That's the end of chapter 2.  
Harry- ddjbb gjb vfdhb  
Lily-O alright ::ripes off tape::  
Harry-Ow that hurts.  
James-Hurry up and read chapter 3.


	3. The Knight Bus

Chapter 3: The Knight Bus.  
Lily-Who wants to read the next chapter?   
Peter-I do.  
Everyone excluding Peter-You do?  
Peter- Yes this book is interesting.  
Everyone excluding Peter-..............   
Peter-Ok Chapter 3 is called The Knight Bus.  
Harry was several streets away before he collapsed onto a low wall in   
Magnolia Crescent, panting from the effort of dragging his trunk. He sat  
quite still, anger still surging through him, listening to the frantic  
thumping of his heart. But after ten minutes alone in the dark street, a new emotion overtook  
him: panic. Whichever way he looked at it, he had never been in a worse  
fix. He was stranded, quite alone, in the dark Muggle world, with  
absolutely nowhere to go. And the worst of it was, he had just done  
serious magic, which meant that he was almost certainly expelled from   
Hogwarts.  
  
James-No he won't.  
Lily-And you know this how?  
James-I've broken the Decree for the Restriction of Underage Wizardry before.   
Sirius-How many times again?  
James-Er.... ::cough:: 56:cough::  
He had broken the Decree for the Restriction of Underage Wizardry so badly, he was surprised Ministry of Magic representatives weren't swooping down on him where he sat.   
Lily-Don't they send owls?   
Sirius- Only when you've done something that's not that serious.  
Harry shivered and looked up and down Magnolia Crescent.  
What, was going to happen to him? Would he be arrested, or would he  
simply be outlawed from the wizarding world?   
Lily-Harry you've got a wild imagination.

He thought of Ron and Hermione, and his heart sank even lower. Harry was sure that, criminal  
or not, Ron and Hermione would want to help him now, but they were both  
abroad, and with Hedwig gone, he had no means of contacting them.  
He didn't have any Muggle money, either. There was a little wizard gold  
in the money bag at the bottom of his trunk, but the rest of the fortune  
his parents had left him was stored in a vault at Gringotts Wizarding  
Bank in London. He'd never be able to drag his trunk all the way to  
London. Unless...  
Peter-Unless a Hippogriff came swooping down and picked him up then brought him to Diagon Alley where he would start his life as an outcast.  
James- Peter is that really what it says?  
Peter-No  
James- Then read!   
Peter-Ok ok!  
He looked down at his wand, which he was still clutching in his hand. If   
he was already expelled (his heart was. now thumping painfully fast), a  
bit more magic couldn't hurt. He had the Invisibility Cloak he had  
inherited from his father -- what if he bewitched the trunk to make it  
feather-light, tied it to his broomstick, covered himself in the cloak,  
and flew to London? Then he could get the rest of his money out of his  
vault and... begin his life as an outcast.  
James-I don't think that's a good Idea.  
Harry-Well it seemed like a good idea then.  
It was a horrible prospect, but he couldn't sit on this wall forever, or he'd find himself trying to  
explain to Muggle police why he was out in the dead of night with a  
trunkful of spellbooks and a broomstick. Harry opened his trunk again and pushed the contents aside, looking for the Invisibility Cloak   
Sirius-Cool he has an Invisibility Cloak too. Do you cause mischief with it.  
Harry-Sometimes.   
- but before he had found it, he straightened up suddenly, looking around him once more.  
A funny p rickling on the back of his neck had made Harry feel he was  
being watched,  
Sirius-I had the same feeling when I ran away from home. Then I turned around and found out that Kreacher was fallowing me.  
Lily-Who's Kreacher?  
Sirius-Family house-elf.

but the street appeared to be deserted, and no lights shone from any of the large square houses. He bent over his trunk again, but almost immediately stood up once more,  
his hand clenched on his wand. He had sensed rather than heard it:  
someone or something was standing in the narrow gap between the garage  
and the fence behind him. Harry squinted at the black alleyway. If only  
it would move, then he'd know whether it was just a stray cat or --   
something else. Lumos," Harry muttered, and a light appeared at the end of his wand,  
almost dazzling him. He held it high over his head, and the  
pebble-dashed walls of number two suddenly sparkled; the garage door  
gleamed, and between them Harry saw, quite distinctly, the hulking  
outline of something very big, with wide, gleaming eyes.  
James-Hey that sounds like you Padfoot.  
Lily-::Looks confused::   
Harry stepped backward. His legs hit his trunk and he tripped. His wand  
flew out of his hand as he flung out an arm to break his fall, and he  
landed, hard, in the gutter --  
All excluding Harry-Ouch that's gotta hurt.  
Harry-It did.   
Lily-Harry do we need to get the masking tape out again.  
Harry- No that's ok I'll shut up now.  
Others-::sn igger::   
There was a deafening BANG, and Harry threw up his hands to shield his  
eyes against a sudden blinding light --  
With a yell, he rolled back onto the pavement, just in time. A second  
later, a gigantic pair of wheels and headlights screeched to a halt  
exactly where Harry had just been lying. They belonged, as Harry saw  
when he raised his head, to a triple-decker, violently purple bus, which  
had appeared out of thin air. Gold lettering over the windshield spelled  
The Knight Bus.  
Sirius-I remember the first time I rode the Knight Bus. I was 5.  
Lily-What were you doing.  
Sirius-Running away from home.  
Lily-Again.   
Sirius-Yes.  
For a Split second, Harry wondered if he had been knocked silly by his   
fall. Then a conductor in a purple uniform leapt out of the bus and  
began to speak loudly to the night.  
"Welcome   
Srius-to the Knight Bus, emergency transport for the stranded witch or wizard just stick out your wand hand, step on board.

to the Knight Bus, emergency transport for the stranded witch  
or wizard. just stick out your wand hand, step on board)   
All excluding Sirius- Whoa freaky.

and we can take you anywhere you want to go. My name is Stan Shunpike, and I will be  
your conductor this eve --"  
The conductor stopped abruptly. He had just caught sight of Harry, who  
was still sitting on the ground. Harry sntched up his wand again and   
scrambled to his feet. Close up, he saw that Stan Shunpike was only a  
few years older than he was, eighteen or nineteen at most, with large,  
protruding ears and quite a few pimples.  
"What were you doin' down there?" said Stan, dropping his professional   
manner.  
James as Harry -I fell over and then you almost ran me over.   
"Fell over," said Harry.   
"'Choo fall over for?" sn iggered Stan.   
All excluding Harry-::Smack their foreheads:: He didn't fall over on purpose.

"I didn't do it on purpose," said Harry, annoyed. One of the knees in  
his jeans was torn, and the hand he had thrown out to break his fall was  
bleeding. He suddenly remembered why he had fallen over and turned  
around quickly to stare at the alleyway between the garage and fence.  
The Knight Bus's headlamps were flooding it with light, and it was  
empty.  
"'Choo lookin' at?" said Stan.  
"There was a big black thing," said Harry, pointing uncertainly into the  
gap. "Like a dog... but massive..."  
James- Padfoot aren't you black.  
Remus-And massive.  
Peter-And a dog.  
Lily-::Looks very confused:: What are you guys talking about?  
Sirius-Er nothing.  
Lily-Wait a minute you guys aren't amagius's are you.  
James-No of course not.  
He looked a-round at Stan, whose mouth was slightly open. With a feeling   
of unease, Harry saw Stan's eyes move to the scar on Harry's forehead.  
"Woss that on your 'ead?" said Stan abruptly.   
James/Sirius-Are you blind it's a scar.  
"Nothing," said Harry quickly, flattening his hair over his scar. If the   
Ministry of Magic was looking for him, he didn't want to make it too  
easy for them.  
"Woss your name?" Stan persisted.  
"Neville Longbottom,"   
Sirius-Who's Neville?  
Harry-One of my friends.  
Lily-JAMES WHAT ARE YOU DOING?  
James-::Puts a book and Sirius' knife behind his back:: Nothing. Catch Padfoot.   
James trough the book and the knife to Sirius but Lily caught them.  
Lily-::looks at her diary which is open:: JAMES YOU READ MY DIARY!!!! ::Lily holds up Sirius' knife:: And what's this?   
Sirius-That's mine. ::grabs the knife.

said Harry, saying the first name that came into  
his head. "So -- so this bus," he went on quickly, hoping to distract  
Stan, "did you say it goes anywhere?"  
"Yep," said Stan proudly, "anywhere you like, long's it's on land. Can't  
do nuffink underwater. 'Ere," he said, looking suspicious again, ,You  
did flag us down, dincha? Stuck out your wand 'and, dincha?"   
"Yes," said Harry quickly. "Listen, how much would it be to get to  
London?"  
"Eleven Sickles," said Stan, "but for firteen you get 'or chocolate, and  
for fifteen you get an 'ot water bottle an' a toofbrush in the color of   
your choice."  
Harry rummaged once more in his trunk, extracted his money bag, and  
shoved some gold into Stan's hand.   
  
Remus-Wait a minute that can't be right.  
Sirius/James-Why not?   
Remus-Because the most that Harry can give Stan is 15 sickles right.  
Sirius/James-Yah.  
Remus-Well Sickles are silver not gold.  
Sirius/James-Hey your right.  
Remus-Of course I am, and will you stop that.  
Sirius/James-Stop what.  
Remus-That.   
Sirius/James-::look at each other and shrug::   
He and Stan then lifted his trunk, with Hedwig's cage balanced on top, up the steps of the bus.  
There were no seats;  
James-Why would there be seats?  
Lily-Because muggle buses have seats.   
James/Sirius/Peter-They do!  
Lily/Remus-::Smack their own foreheads.  
instead, half a dozen brass bedsteads stood beside  
the curtained windows. Candles were burning in brackets beside each bed,  
illuminating the wood-paneled walls. A tiny wizard in a nightcap at the  
rear of the bus muttered, "Not now, thanks, I'm pickling some slugs" and  
rolled over in his sleep.  
All-::snort:: Pickling slugs. ::Burst into laughter::   
"You 'ave this one," Stan whispered, shoving Harry's trunk under the bed  
right behind the driver, who was sitting in an armchair in front of the  
steering wheel. "This is our driver, Ernie Prang. This, is Neville   
Longbottom, Ern. "  
Ernie Prang, an elderly wizard wearing very thick glasses, nodded to  
Harry, who nervously flattened his bangs again and sat down on his bed.  
"Take 'er away, Ern," said Stan, sitting down in the armchair next to   
Ernie's.  
There was another tremendous BANG, and the next moment Harry found  
himself flat on his bed, thrown backward by the speed of the Knight Bus.  
Pulling himself up, Harry stared out of the dark window and saw that  
they were now bowling along a completely different street. Stan was  
watching Harry's stunned face with great enjoyment.  
"This is where we was before you flagged us down," he said. "Where are  
we, Ern? Somewhere in Wales?"  
"Ar,"said Ernie.   
Sirius-Ar, I'm a pirate, Ar.   
"How come the Muggles don't hear the bus?" said Harry.   
Sirius-They do but the noise is just so load that they turn deaf.

look properly either. Never notice nuffink, they don'."  
"Them!" said Stan contemptuously. "Don' listen properly, do they?  
Best go wake up Madam Marsh, Stan," said Ern. "We'll be in Abergavenny  
in a minute."  
Stan passed Harry's bed and disappeared up a narrow wooden staircase.  
Harry was still looking out of the window, feeling increasingly nervous.  
Ernie didn't seem to have mastered the use of a steering wheel. The  
Knight Bus kept mounting the pavement, but it didn't hit anything; lines  
of lampposts, mailboxes, and trash cans jumped out of its way as it   
approached and back into position once it had passed.  
Stan came back downstairs, followed by a faintly green witch wrapped in  
a traveling cloak.  
"'Ere you go, Madam Marsh," said Stan happily as Ern stamped on the  
brake and the beds slid a foot or so toward the front of the bus. Madam  
Marsh clamped a handkerchief to her mouth and tottered down the steps.  
Stan threw her bag out after her and rammed the doors shut; there was  
another loud BANG, and they were thundering down a narrow country lane,   
trees leaping out of the way.  
Harry wouldn't have been able to sleep even if he had been traveling on  
a bus that didn't keep banging loudly and jumping a hundred miles at a  
time. His stomach churned as he fell back to wondering what was going to  
happen to him, and whether the Dursleys had managed to get Aunt Marge  
off the ceiling yet.  
Stan had unfurled a copy of the Daily Prophet and was now reading with  
his tongue between his teeth. A large photograph of a sunken-faced man  
with long, matted hair blinked slowly at Harry from the front page. He  
looked strangely familiar.  
"That man!" Harry said, forgetting his troubles for a moment. "He was on  
the Muggle news!"   
Stanley turned to the front page and chuckled.  
"Sirius Black,"he said, nodding. "'Course 'e was on the Muggle news,  
Neville, where you been?"  
  
James as Harry-I don't know?  
Harry at the same time as James-I was trapped in a house with two elaphants, a hippo , and a horse.  
He gave a superior sort of chuckle at the blank look on Harry's face,   
removed the front page, and handed it to Harry.  
"You oughta read the papers more, Neville."  
Harry held the paper up to the candlelight and read:  
BLACK STILL AT LARGE  
Sirius Black, possibly the most infamous prisoner ever to be held in   
Azkaban  
Sirius-::Very shocked:: I-I went t-to Azkaban!  
fortress, is still eluding capture, the Ministry of Magic  
confirmed today. "We are doing all we can to recapture Black," said the Minister of  
Magic, Cornelius Fudge, this morning, "and we beg the magical community  
to remain calm." Fudge has been criticized by some members of the International Federation of Warlocks for informing the Muggle Prime Minister of the  
crisis.   
"Well, really, I had to, don't you know," said an irritable Fudge.  
"Black is mad.  
Sirius-NO I'M NOT!  
He's a danger to anyone who crosses him,  
Sirius-That might be true for Slytherens. But not for anyone else you guys believe me don't you?  
Others-::nod::  
James-Course we do Padfoot.

magic or Muggle.  
Black's true identity to anyone. And let's face it-who'd believe him if  
he did?" While Muggles have been told that Black is carrying a gun (a kind of  
metal wand that Muggles use to kill each other), the magical community  
lives in fear of a massacre like that of twelve years ago, when Black   
murdered thirteen people with a single curse.   
Sirius-NO I DIDN'T!!!!!!   
Remus-Calm down Sirius we believe you.   
Harry looked into the shadowed eyes of Sirius Black, the only part of  
the sunken face that seemed alive. Harry had never met a vampire, but he  
had seen pictures of them in his Defense Against the Dark Arts classes,  
and Black, with his waxy white skin, looked just like one. "Scary-lookin' fing, inee?" said Stan, who had been watching Harry read.  
"He murdered thirteen people?" said Harry, handing the page back to   
Stan, "with one curse?"   
Sirius-NO I DIDN'T.   
"Yep," said Stan, "in front of witnesses an' all. Broad daylight. Big  
trouble it caused, dinnit, Ern?"  
"Ar," said Ern darkly.  
Stan swiveled in his armchair, his hands on the back, the better to look   
at Harry.  
"Black woz a big supporter of You-Know-'Oo,"   
Sirius- NO I'M NOT!!!!  
he said.  
"What, Voldemort?"  
Peter-::flinches::   
said Harry, without thinking.  
Even Stan's pimples went white; Ern jerked the steering wheel so hard  
that a whole farmhouse had to jump aside to avoid the bus.  
"You outta your tree?" yelped Stan. "'Choo say 'is name for?"   
James as Harry-::Shrugs:: For fun.

"Sorry," said Harry hastily. "Sorry, I -- I forgot --"  
"Forgot!" said Stan weakly. "Blimey, my 'eart's goin' that fast ..."   
"So -- so Black was a supporter of You-Know-Who?"   
  
Sirius-NO I WASN'T!!  
Harry prompted apologetically.  
"Yeah," said Stan, still rubbing his chest. "Yeah, that's right. Very  
close to You-Know-'Oo, they say. Anyway, when little 'Arry Potter got  
the better of You-Know-'Oo --"  
Harry nervously flattened his bangs down again.  
James-That won't help Harry.  
"-- all You-Know-'Oo's supporters was tracked down, wasn't they, Ern?   
Most of 'em knew it was all over, wiv You-Know-'Oo gone, and they came  
quiet. But not Sirius Black. I 'eard he thought 'e'd be   
second-in-command once You-Know-'Oo 'ad taken over.  
"Anyway, they cornered Black in the middle of a street full of Muggles  
an' Black took out 'is wand and 'e blasted 'alf the street apart,   
Sirius-NO I DIDN'T!!!!!!!  
Remus-Lily where's the masking tape   
LIly-::hands Remus a roll of masking tape::  
Remus- ::Puts masking tape over Sirius' mouth::  
an' a wizard got it, an' so did a dozen Muggles what got in the way. 'Orrible,  
eh? An' you know what Black did then?" Stan continued in a dramatic  
whisper.  
"What?" said Harry.  
"Laughed," said Stan.   
Sirius-nph pkdf askyhn (translation: No I didn't)  
"Jus' stood there an' laughed. An' when  
reinforcements from the Ministry of Magic got there, I 'e went wiv em  
quiet as anyfink, still laughing 'is 'ead off. 'Cos 'e's mad, inee, Ern?  
Inee mad?"   
"If he weren't when he went to Azkaban, he will be now," said Ern in his  
slow voice. "I'd blow meself up before I set foot in that place. Serves  
him right, mind you ... after what he did...."  
"They 'ad a job coverin' it up, din' they, Ern?" Stan said. "'Ole street  
blown up an' all them Muggles dead. What was it they said ad 'appened,  
Ern?"  
"Gas explosion," grunted Ernie.  
All excluding Sirius ,Peter, Harry and Lily-Gas explosion. ::Burst into laughter::

An' now 'e's out," said Stan, examining the newspaper picture of   
Black's gaunt face again. "Never been a breakout from Azkaban before,  
'as there, Ern? Beats me 'ow 'e did it. Frightenin', eh? Mind, I don't  
fancy 'is chances against them Azkaban guards, eh, Ern?"  
Ernie suddenly shivered.  
"Talk about summat else, Stan, there's a good lad. Them Azkaban guards   
give me the collywobbles."  
Stan put the paper away reluctantly, and Harry leaned against the window  
of the Knight Bus, feeling worse than ever. He couldn't help imagining what Stan might be telling his passengers in a few nights' time.  
"'Ear about that 'Arry Potter? Blew up 'is aunt! We 'ad 'im 'ere on the   
Knight Bus, di'n't we, Ern? 'E was tryin' I to run for it...."   
He, Harry, had broken wizard law just like Sirius Black. Was inflating  
Aunt Marge bad enough to land him in Azkaban?  
Remus-No it's not.  
Lily-And how would you know.  
Remus-Well um I blew up my aunt.  
Harry-You did.  
James/Peter-wicked!  
Harry-You guys sound like Ron.

Harry didn't know anything about the wizard prison, though everyone he'd ever heard speak of it did so in the same fearful tone. Hagrid, the Hogwarts gamekeeper, had spent two months there only last year.   
Lily-Poor Hagrid I wonder what he did.  
Others excluding Sirius and Harry-Yah.  
Harry wouldn't soon forget the look of terror on Hagrid's face when he had been told where he was going, and Hagrid was one of the bravest people Harry knew.  
The Knight Bus rolled through the darkness, scattering bushes and  
wastebaskets, telephone booths and trees, and Harry lay, restless and  
miserable, on his feather bed. After a while, Stan remembered that Harry  
had paid for hot chocolate, but poured it all over Harry's pillow when  
the bus moved abruptly from Anglesea to Aberdeen. One by one, wizards  
and witches in dressing gowns and slippers descended from the upper  
floors to leave the bus. They all looked very pleased to go.  
Finally, Harry was the only passenger left.  
"Right then, Neville," said Stan, clapping his hands, where abouts in  
London?"   
Lily-What does he mean where in London isn't there just Diagon Alley.  
Remus-No there is also Knockturn Alley.  
Lily-Oh I knew that.  
Remus-Sure you did.   
Lily-::glares at Remus::

"Diagon Alley," said Harry.  
"Righto," said Stan. " 'Old tight, then."  
BANG.  
They were thundering along Charing Cross Road. Harry sat up and watched  
buildings and benches squeezing themselves out of the Knight Bus's way.  
The sky was getting a little lighter. He would lie low for a couple of   
hours, go to Gringotts the. moment it opened, then set off -- where, he  
didn't know.  
Ern s lammed on the brakes and the Knight Bus skidded to a halt in front  
of a small and shabby- looking pub, the Leaky Cauldron, behind which lay  
the magical entrance to Diagon Alley.  
"Thanks," Harry said to Ern.   
He jumped down the steps and helped Stan lower his trunk and Hedwig's  
cage onto the pavement.  
"Well," said Harry. "'Bye then!"   
Peter-Bye. ::Waves at book::  
Others excluding Sirius-::H i t their own heads at Peters stupitity::   
Sirius-modg hj uivhdug.  
Lily-Are there going to be anymore outbursts?  
Sirius-mggo  
Lily-::R i p s masking tape off Sirius' mouth::  
Sirius-Ow that hurt.   
But Stan wasn't paying attention. Still standing in the doorway to the  
bus) he was goggling at the shadowy entrance to the Leaky Cauldron.  
"There you are, Harry," said a voice.   
James/Sirius-Ohhhhhh b u s t e d

Before Harry could turn, he felt a hand on his shoulder. At the same  
time, Stan shouted, "Blimey! Ern, come 'ere! Come 'ere I"  
Harry looked up at the owner of the hand on his shoulder and felt a   
bucketful of ice cascade into his stomach -- he had walked right into  
Cornelius Fudge, the Minister of Magic himself.  
Stan leapt onto the pavement beside them.  
"What didja call Neville, Minister?"  
Sirius as Fudge-I called him Queen Elizabeth I.  
Remus/James/Peter-::Start to laugh::  
he said excitedly.  
Fudge, a portly little man in a long, pinstriped cloak, looked cold and  
exhausted.  
"Neville?" he repeated, frowning. "This is Harry Potter."  
"I knew it!" Stan shouted gleefully. "Ern! Ern! Guess 'oo Neville is,  
Ern! 'E's 'Arry Potter! I can see 'is scar!"   
"Yes," said Fudge testily, "well, I'm very glad the Knight Bus picked  
Harry up, but he and I need to step inside the Leaky Cauldron now..."  
Fudge increased the pressure on Harry's shoulder, and Harry found  
himself being steered inside the pub. A stooping figure bearing a  
lantern appeared through the door behind the bar. It was Tom, the  
wizened, toothless landlord.   
"You've got him, Minister!" said Tom. "Will you be wanting anything?  
Beer? Brandy?"  
"Perhaps a pot of tea," said Fudge, who still hadn't let go of Harry.  
There was a loud scraping and puffing from behind them, and Stan and Ern   
appeared, carrying Harry's trunk and Hedwig's cage and looking around  
excitedly.  
"'Ow come you di'n't tell us 'oo you are, eh, Neville?" said Stan,  
beaming at Harry, while Ernie's owlish face peered interestedly over  
Stan's shoulder.   
"And a private parlor, please, Tom," said Fudge pointedly.  
Bye," Harry said miserably to Stan and Ern as Tom beckoned Fudge toward  
the passage that led from the bar.   
"'Bye, Neville!" called Stan.   
Lily-Didn't we all ready establish the fact that Neville was Harry.  
James-Lily your forgeting that these guys are stupid.  
Lily-Oh yah. Hey that's not very nice.   
James-::whistles innocently::  
Fudge marched Harry along the narrow passage after Tom's lantern, and  
then into a small parlor. Tom clicked his fingers, a fire burst into  
life in the grate, and he bowed himself out of the room.  
"Sit down, Harry," said Fudge, indicating a chair by the fire.  
Harry sat down, feeling goose bumps rising up his arms despite the glow  
of the fire. Fudge took off his pinstriped cloak and tossed it aside,   
then hitched up the trousers of his bottle-green suit and sat down  
opposite Harry.  
"I am Cornelius Fudge, Harry. The Minister of Magic."  
James-And an extremely big airhead.

Harry already knew this, of course; he had seen Fudge once before, but  
as he had been wearing his father's Invisibility Cloak at the time,   
Fudge wasn't to know that.   
Sirius-Course he's not.   
Tom the innkeeper reappeared, wearing an apron over his nightshirt and  
bearing a tray of tea and crumpets. He placed the tray on a table  
between Fudge and Harry and left the parlor, closing the door behind  
him.  
"Well, Harry," said Fudge, pouring out tea, "you've had us all in a  
right flap, I don't mind telling you. Running away from your aunt and  
uncle's house like that! I'd started to think... but you're safe, and  
that's what matters."  
Fudge buttered himself a crumpet and pushed the plate toward Harry.  
"Eat, Harry, you look dead on your feet.  
Harry-That's only because the Dursleys starved me.   
Now then... You will be pleased to hear that we have dealt with the unfortunate blowing-up of Miss Marjorie Dursley.  
Remus-He's supposed to be pleased?  
Two members of the Accidental Magic Reversal  
Department were dispatched to Privet Drive a few hours ago. Miss Dursley  
has been punctured and her memory has been modified. She has no  
recollection of the incident at all. So that's that, and no harm done."   
Fudge smiled at Harry over the rim of his teacup, rather like an uncle  
surveying a favorite nephew. Harry, who couldn't believe his ears,  
opened his mouth to speak, couldn't think of anything to say, and closed  
it again.  
"Ah, you're worrying about the reaction of your aunt and uncle?" said  
Fudge. "Well, I won't deny that they are extremely angry, Harry, but  
they are prepared to take you back next summer as long as you stay at   
Hogwarts for the Christmas and Easter holidays."  
Harry unstuck his throat.  
"I always stay at Hogwarts for the Christmas and Easter holidays," he  
said, "and I don't ever want to go back to Privet Drive."  
"Now, now, I'm sure you'll feel differently once you've calmed down,"  
said Fudge in a worried tone. "They are your family, after all, and I'm  
sure you are fond of each other -- er -- very deep down   
Sirius-Very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very  
Lily-Sirius do we need to get the masking tape again?  
Sirius-No.  
It didn't occur to Harry to put Fudge right. He was still waiting to   
hear what was going to happen to him now.  
"So all that remains," said Fudge, now buttering himself a second  
crumpet, "is to decide where you're going to spend the last two weeks of   
your vacation. I suggest you take a room here at the Leaky Cauldron and  
"Hang on," blurted Harry. "What about my punishment?"  
All excluding Harry-::Smack their heads:: Did you want to get in trouble   
Harry-No I just wasn't thinking

Fudge blinked. "Punishment?"  
"I broke the law!" Harry said. "The Decree for the Restriction of  
Underage Wizardry!"  
"Oh, my dear boy, we're not going to punish you for a little thing like  
that!" cried Fudge, waving his crumpet impatiently. "It was an accident!  
We don't send people to Azkaban just for blowing up their aunts!"  
But this didn't tally at all with Harry's past dealings with the  
Ministry of Magic.  
"Last year, I got an official warning just because a house-elf  
Sirius-I bet it was Kreacher.  
Harry-No it was Dobby the Malfoys house-elf.   
smashed a pudding in my uncle's house!" he told Fudge, frowning. "The Ministry of  
Magic said I'd be expelled from Hogwarts if there was any more magic  
there!"  
Unless Harry's eyes were deceiving him, Fudge was suddenly looking  
awkward.   
"Circumstances change, Harry... We have to take into account... in the  
present climate... Surely you don't want to be expelled?"  
All excluding Harry-Of course he doesn't   
"Of course I don't," said Harry.  
"Well then, what's A the fuss about?" laughed Fudge. "Now, have a  
crumpet, Harry, while I go and see if Tom's got a room for you."  
Fudge strode out of the parlor and Harry stared after him. There was  
something extremely odd going on. Why had Fudge been waiting for him at  
the Leaky Cauldron, if not to punish him for what he'd done? And now  
Harry came to think of it, surely it wasn't usual for the Minister of   
Magic himself to get involved in matters of underage magic?   
Fudge came back, accompanied by Tom the innkeeper.  
"Room eleven's free, Harry," said Fudge. "I think you'll be very   
comfortable. just one thing, and I'm sure you'll understand... I don't  
want you wandering off into Muggle London, all right?   
Sirius-Why would he?   
Keep to Diagon Alley. And you're to be back here before dark each night. Sure you'll  
understand. Tom will be keeping an eye on you for me."  
"Okay," said Harry slowly, "but why?"  
"Don't want to lose you again, do we?" said Fudge with a hearty laugh.  
"No, no... best we know where you are.... 0I mean..."  
Fudge cleared his throat loudly and picked up his pinstriped cloak.  
"Well, I'll be off, plenty to do, you know..."  
Have you had any luck with Black yet?" Harry asked.  
Fudge's finger slipped on the silver fastenings of his cloak.  
"What's that? Oh, you've heard -- well, no, not yet, but it's only a  
matter of time. The Azkaban guards have never yet failed... and they are  
angrier than I've ever seen them."  
Fudge shuddered slightly.  
"So, I'll say good-bye."  
He held out his hand and Harry, shaking it, had a sudden idea.  
"Er -- Minister? Can I ask you something?"  
"Certainly," said Fudge with a smile.   
"Well, third years at Hogwarts are allowed to visit Hogsmeade, but my  
aunt and uncle didn't sign the permission form. D'you think you could  
--?"  
James-Harry you really don't know Fudge do you?  
Lily-James what do you have against Fudge?  
James-July 27th two years ago.

Fudge was looking uncomfortable.  
"Ah," he said. "No, no, I'm very sorry, Harry, but as I'm not your  
parent or guardian --"   
"But you I re the Minister of Magic," said Harry eagerly. "If you gave  
me permission  
"No, I'm sorry, Harry, but rules are rules," said Fudge flatly.  
'Perhaps You'll be able to visit Hogsmeade next year. In fact, I think  
it's best if you don't... yes... well, I'll be off Enjoy your stay,   
Harry."  
And with a last smile and shake of Harry's hand, Fudge left the room.  
Tom now moved forward, beaming at Harry.   
"If you'll follow me, Mr. Potter," he said, "I've already taken your  
things up..."  
Harry followed Tom up a handsome wooden staircase to a door with a brass  
number eleven on it, which Tom unlocked and opened for him.  
Inside was a very comfortable-looking bed, some highly polished oak  
furniture, a cheerfully crackling fire and, perched on top of the  
wardrobe -   
"Hedwig!" Harry gasped.  
The snowy owl clicked her beak and fluttered down onto Harry's arm.  
"Very smart owl   
Lily-Aren't all owls smart.  
Peter-No my owls as dumb as a stone.   
James-::wispers in Sirius' ear::You know what they say pets sometimes take after their owners.   
you've got there, chuckled Tom. "Arrived about five  
minutes after you did. If there's anything you need, Mr. Potter, don't  
hesitate to ask."  
He gave another bow and left.  
Harry sat on his bed for a long time, absentmindedly stroking Hedwig.  
The sky outside the window was changing rapidly from deep, velvety blue  
to cold, steely gray and then, slowly, to pink shot with gold. Harry  
could hardly believe that he'd left Privet Drive only a few hours ago,  
that he wasn't expelled, and that he was now facing two completely  
Dursley-free weeks.  
"It's been a very weird night, Hedwig," he yawned.  
And without even removing his glasses, he slumped back onto his pillows  
and fell asleep.   
James-That's very uncomfortable.   
Harry-I know.  
Peter-And that's the end of chapter 3.


	4. The Leaky Cauldron

Chapter 4: The Leakey Couldren  
Sirius-You know what Peter?  
Peter-What?   
Sirius-I think that that was the longest thing that you have ever read.  
Peter-::nods:: But I'm tired of reading now.  
James-I'll read.  
Others-Ok hurry up.  
James-Alright alright chapter 4 is called The Leakey Couldren  
It took Harry several days to get used to his strange new freedom. Never before had he been able to get up whenever he wanted or eat whatever he fancied. He could even go wherever he pleased,   
Lily-I am so going to kill Petunia.   
Maurauders- Can we help?  
Lily-Sure the more the merrier.   
as long as it was in Diagon Alley, and as this long cobbled street was packed with the most  
fascinating wizarding shops in the world, Harry felt no desire to break his word to Fudge and stray back into the Muggle world. Harry ate breakfast each morning in the Leaky Cauldron, where he liked watching the other guests: funny little witches from the country, up for  
a day's shopping; venerable-looking wizards arguing over the latest article in Transfiguration Today; wild-looking warlocks; raucous dwarfs; and once, what looked suspiciously like a hag, who ordered a plate of raw liver from behind a thick woollen balaclava. After breakfast Harry would go out into the backyard, take out his wand, tap the third brick from the left above the trash bit, and stand back as the archway into Diagon Alley opened in the wall. Harry spent the long sunny days exploring the shops and eating under the brightly colored umbrellas outside cafes, where his fellow diners were showing one another their purchases ( " it , s a lunascope,  
Remus-My dad has one of those.  
Lily-Why?  
Remus-I don't know.   
old boy -- no more messing around with moon charts, see?") or else discussing the case of Sirius Black ("personalty, I won't let any of the children out alone until he's back in Azkaban").  
Sirius-Don't worry I won't bite.  
James-Yes you would.  
Sirius-::glares at James::  
Harry didn't have to do his homework under the blankets by flashlight anymore; now he could sit in the bright sunshine outside Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor, finishing all his essays with occasional help from Florean Fortescue himself, who, apart from knowing a great deal about medieval witch burnings, gave Harry free sundaes every half an hour.   
Sirius-Harry can we be your friend instead of James'.  
Harry- Er.... Sure.  
James-::smacks Sirius and Harry::

Once Harry had refilled his money bag with gold Galleons, silver Sickles, and bronze Knuts from his vault at Gringotts, he had to exercise a lot of self-control not to spend the whole lot at once. He had to keep reminding himself that he had five years to go at Hogwarts, and how it would feel to ask the Dursleys for money for spellbooks, to stop himself from buying a handsome set of solid gold Gobstones (a wizarding game rather like marbles, in which the stones squirt annasty-smelling liquid into the other player's face when they lose a point). He was sorely tempted, too, by the perfect, moving model of the galaxy in a large glass ball, which would have meant he never had to take another Astronomy lesson.   
Remus-I want one of those.  
Lily-But I thought you liked Astronomy.  
Remus-Well you thought wrong.   
But the thing that tested Harry's resolution most appeared in his favorite shop, Quality Quidditch Supplies, a week after he'd arrived at the Leaky Cauldron. Curious to know what the crowd in the shop was staring at, Harry edged his way inside and squeezed in among the excited witches and wizards until he glimpsed a newly erected podium, on which was mounted the most magnificent broom he had ever seen in his life.  
"Just come out -- prototype --" a square-jawed wizard was telliing his   
companion.  
"It's the fastest broom in the world, isn't it, Dad?" squeaked a boy  
younger than Harry, who was swinging off his father's arm.  
"Irish International Side's Just put in an order for seven of these  
beauties!" the proprietor of the shop told the crowd. "And they're  
favorites for the World Cup!"  
Maurauders- ::start chanting.:: BUY IT! BUY IT! BUY IT! BUY IT!   
A large witch in front of Harry moved, and he was able to read the sign  
next to the broom:  
THE FIREBOLT  
THIS STATE-OF-THE-ART RACING BROOM SPORTS A STREAM-LINED,  
SUPERFINE HANDLE OF ASH, TREATED WITH A DIAMOND-HARD POLISH AND  
HAND- NUMBERED WITH ITS OWN REGISTRATION NUMBER. EACH INDIVIDUALLY  
SELECTED BIRCH TWIG IN THE BROOMTAIL HAS BEEN HONED TO AERODYNAMIC  
PERFECTION, GIVING THE FIREBOLT UNSURPASSABLE BALANCE AND PINPOINT PRECISION. THE FIREBOLT HAS AN ACCELERATION OF 150 MILES AN HOUR IN TEN SECONDS AND INCORPORATES AN UNBREAKABLE BRAKING CHARM. PRICE ON REQUEST.   
James-I want one of those.   
Peter/Remus/Sirius-Me too.  
James-Wormtail you can't even fly.  
Peter-So.  
Price on request... Harry didn't like to think how much gold the Firebolt would cost. He had never wanted anything as much in his whole life -- but he had never lost a Quidditch match  
Remus-Harry what position do you play?  
Harry-seeker.

on his Nimbus Two Thousand, and what was the point in emptying his Gringotts vault for the Firebolt, when he had a very good broom already? Harry didn't ask for the price, but he returned, almost every day after that, just to look at the Firebolt. There were, however, things that Harry needed to buy. He went to the Apothecary to replenish his store of potions ingredients, and as his school robes were now several inches too short in the arm and leg, he   
visited Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions and bought new ones. Most important of all, he had to buy his new schoolbooks, which would include those for his two new subjects, Care of Magical Creatures and Divination. Harry got a surprise as he looked in at the bookshop window. Instead of the usual display of gold- embossed spellbooks the size of paving slabs,  
there was a large iron cage behind the glass that held about a hundred copies of The Monster Book of Monsters. Torn pages were flying everywhere as the books grappled with each other, locked together in furious wrestling matches and snapping aggressively. Harry pulled his booklist out of his pocket and consulted it for the first time. The Monster Book of Monsters was listed as the required book for Care of Magical Creatures.   
All-::smack there own foreheads:: So that's why Hagrid said that the book would come in handy.   
Now Harry understood why Hagrid had said  
it would come in useful. He felt relieved; he had been wondering whether  
Hagrid wanted help with some terrifying new pet.  
As Harry entered Flourish and Blotts, the manager came hurrying toward  
him.  
"Hogwarts?" he said abruptly. "Come to get your new books?"  
"Yes," said Harry, "I need --"  
"Get out of the way," said the manager impatiently, brushing Harry  
aside. He drew on a pair of very thick gloves, picked up a large,  
knobbly walking stick, and proceeded toward the door of the Monster  
Books' cage.  
"Hang on," said Harry quickly, "I've already got one of those."   
"Have you?" A look of enormous relief spread over the manager's face.  
"Thank heavens for that. I've been bitten five times already this  
morning --"   
All-Ouch   
A loud ripping noise rent the air; two of the Monster Books had seized a  
third and were pulling it apart.  
"Stop it! Stop it!" cried the manager, poking the walking stick through  
the bars and knocking the books apart. "I'm never stocking them again,  
never! It's been bedlam! I thought we'd seen the worst when we bought  
two hundred copies of the Invisible Book of Invisibility -cost a  
fortune, and we never found them....  
Sirius-I remember when we got those books.  
James-The only good thing about those books is that you didn't have to read them.  
Lily-What's wrong with reading?  
James-Nothing exept for James Potter doesn't read.  
Lily-Well I have news for you.  
James-What.  
Lily-YOU'RE READING RIGHT NOW!  
Well... is there anything else I  
can help you with?"  
"Yes," said Harry, looking down his booklist, "I need Unfogging the   
Future by Cassandra Vablatsky."

Marauders-No he's starting divination.  
"Ah, starting Divination, are you?"

Harry-unfortunetly

said the manager, stripping off his  
gloves and leading Harry into the back of the shop, where there was a  
corner devoted to fortune-telling. A small table was stacked with  
volumes such as Predicting the Unpredictable: Insulate Yourself Against  
Shocks and Broken Balls: When Fortunes Turn Foul.  
"Here you are,,' said the manager, who had climbed a set of steps to  
take down a thick, black- bound book. "Unfogging the Future. Very good   
guide  
Sirius-James I think you're reading the book wrong it should say very boring guide.

to all your basic fortune-telling methods - palmistry, crystal  
balls, bird entrails.  
But Harry wasn't listening. His eyes had fallen on another book, which  
was among a display on a small table: Death Omens.- What to Do When You  
Know the Worst Is Coming."Oh, I wouldn't read that if I were you," said the manager lightly,   
looking to see what Harry was staring at. "You'll start seeing death  
omens everywhere. It's enough to frighten anyone to death. "  
But Harry continued to stare at the front cover of the book; it showed a  
black dog large as a bear, with gleaming eyes. It looked oddly  
familiar...   
Peter-Of corse it looks familiar. That's what Sirius's  
Remus-::interupts Peter before he amigius form looks like:: dog looks like.  
The manager pressed Unfogging the Future into Harry's hands.  
"Anything else?" he said.  
"Yes," said Harry, tearing his eyes away from the dog's and dazedly  
consulting his booklist. "Er -- I need Intermediate Transfiguration and  
The Standard Book of Spells, Grade Three."  
Harry emerged from Flourish and Blotts ten minutes later with his new  
books under his arms and made his way back to the Leaky Cauldron, hardly  
noticing where he was going and bumping into several people.  
He tramped up the stairs to his room, went inside, and tipped his books  
onto his bed. Somebody had been in to tidy;   
Lily-::mutters::House elfs I suppose.  
James-::groans::Don't tell me you're still doing s.p.e.w.  
Harry-::groans::Even in the past there's someone like Hermione.  
Lily-::glares at Harry and James::   
the windows were open and  
sun was pouring inside. Harry could hear the buses rolling by in the   
unseen Muggle street behind him and the sound of the invisible crowd  
below in Diagon Alley. He caught sight of himself in the mirror over the  
basin.  
"It can't have been a death omen," he told his reflection defiantly. "I  
was panicking when I saw that thing in Magnolia Crescent.... It was   
probably just a stray dog...."  
He raised his hand automatically and tried to make his hair lie flat  
"You're fighting a losing battle there, dear," said his mirror in a   
vvheezy voice.  
James-My mirror always says that.  
Peter-::snore::  
Harry-How many times does he sleep in a day?  
James/Remus/Sirius-too many to count.   
As the days slipped by, Harry started looking wherever he went for a  
sign of Ron or Hermione. Plenty of Hogwarts students were arriving in  
Diagon Alley now, with the start of term so near. Harry met Seamus  
Finnigan and Dean Thomas, his fellow Gryffindors, in Quality Quidditch  
Supplies, where they too were ogling the Firebolt; he also ran into the  
real Neville Longbottom, a round-faced, forgetful boy, outside Flourish   
and Blotts. Harry didn't stop to chat; Neville appeared to have mislaid  
his booklist and was being told off by his very formidable-looking  
grandmother. Harry hoped she never found out that he'd pretended to be  
Neville while on the run from the Ministry of Magic.  
Harry woke on the last day of the holidays, thinking that he would at  
least meet Ron and Hermione tomorrow, on the Hogwarts Express. He got  
up, dressed, went for a last look at the Firebolt, and was just  
wondering where he'd have lunch, when someone yelled his name and he  
turned.  
"Harry! HARRY!"  
Sirius-I bet it's Hermione.  
James-I bet 9 galleons that it's Ron and Hermione.  
Sirius-Deal.

They were there, both of them, sitting outside Florean Fortescue's Ice   
Cream Parlor -- Ron looking incredibly freckly, Hermione very brown,  
both waving frantically at him.   
James-Pay up Padfoot.  
Sirius-You just got lucky.  
"Finally!" said Ron, grinning at Harry as he sat down. "We went to the   
Leaky Cauldron, but they said you'd left, and we went to Flourish and  
Blotts, and Madam Malkin's, and --"  
"I got all my school stuff last week," Harry explained. "And how come   
You knew I'm staying at the Leaky Cauldron?"   
Remus-Probally his dad.  
James-How do you know?  
Remus-Most dads work at the ministry of magic   
"Dad," said Ron simply.   
Remus-Told you.   
Mr. Weasley, who worked at the Ministry of Magic, would of course have  
heard the whole story of what had happened to Aunt Marge.  
"Did you really blow up your aunt, Harry?" said Hermione in a very  
serious voice.   
Marauders-::burst out laughing::

I didn't mean to," said Harry, while Ron roared with laughter. "I just  
-- lost control."  
"It's not funny, Ron," said Hermione sharply. "Honestly, I'm amazed  
Harry wasn't expelled."  
"So am I," admitted Harry. "Forget expelled, I thought I was going to be  
arrested." He looked at Ron. "Your dad doesn't know why Fudge let me  
off, does he?"  
"Probably 'cause it's you, isn't it?" shrugged Ron, still chuckling.  
"Famous Harry Potter and all that. I'd hate to see what the Ministry'd  
do to me if I blew up an aunt. Mind you, they'd have to dig me up first,  
because Mum would've killed me. Anyway, you can ask Dad yourself this  
evening. We're staying at the Leaky Cauldron tonight too! So you can  
come to King's Cross with us tomorrow! Hermione's there as well!"   
Hermione nodded, beaming. "Mum and Dad dropped me off this morning with  
all my Hogwarts things."  
"Excellent!" said Harry happily. "So, have you got all your new books  
and stuff?"  
"Look at this," said Ron, pulling a long thin box out of a bag and  
opening it. "Brand-new wand.   
Sirius-What happened to his old wand?  
James-If I read then maybe you'll find out.  
Sirius-I have a better idea ask Harry.  
Harry-Finally you realized that I'm alive.  
Sirius- Don't worry there aren't any muraders in this room.  
Harry-Oh yes there are.  
James-Like who.   
Harry-Pettrigrew.  
Peter-::squeaks and falls off the bed::   
Lily-Will you just answer Sirius's question so James can continue reading.  
Harry-Fine Ron needed to get a new wand because his old one snapped in half when we flew into the womping willow tree.   
Fourteen inches, willow, containing one  
unicorn tail-hair. And we've got all our books --" He pointed at a large  
bag under his chair. "What about those Monster Books, eh? The assistant  
nearly cried when we said we wanted two."  
"What's all that, Hermione?" Harry asked, pointing at not one but three  
bulging bags in the chair next to her.  
Marauders-THREE?!?!   
"Well, I'm taking more new subjects than you, aren't I?" said Hermione.  
"Those are my books for Arithmancy, Care of Magical Creatures,  
Divination, the Study of Ancient Runes, Muggle Studies --"  
"What are you doing Muggle Studies for?" said Ron, rolling his eyes at   
Harry. "You're Muggle- born! Your mum and dad are Muggles! You already  
know all about Muggles!"   
James-That's exactully what I asked Lily when she started Muggle studies.   
"But it'll be fascinating to study them from the wizarding point of  
view,"   
Lily-That's what I said.   
Harry-NOOOOOOOOOOOO. Hermione finally realized how to make clones of herself.  
Marauders-::snigg er::  
Lily-::smacks all of the boys::

said Hermione earnestly.  
"Are you planning to eat or sleep at all this year, Hermione?" asked  
Harry, while Ron . Hermione ignored them.  
"I've still got ten Galleons," she said, checking her purse. "It's my  
birthday in September, and Mum and Dad gave me some money to get myself  
an early birthday present."  
"How about a nice book? said Ron innocently.   
"No, I don't think so," said Hermione composedly. "I really want an owl.  
I mean, Harry's got Hedwig and you've got Errol --"  
"I haven't," said Ron. "Errol's a family owl. All I've got is Scabbers."  
He pulled his pet rat out of his pocket. "And I want to get him checked  
over," he added, placing Scabbers on the table in front of them. "I   
don't think Egypt agreed with him."  
Scabbers was looking thinner than usual, and there was a definite droop  
to his whiskers.  
Peter-::In his sleep::Poor rat but I bet if you give him some cheese he'll get better or better yet give me some cheese. ::sneezes::James it's dusty under your bed.  
Lily-Okay Peter is starting to scare me.   
Others-Us too.

"There's a magical creature shop just over there," said Harry, who knew   
Diagon Alley very well by now. "You could see if they've got anything  
for Scabbers, and Hermione can get her owl,"  
So they paid for their ice cream and crossed the street to the Magical   
Menagerie.  
There wasn't much room inside. Every inch of wall was hidden by cages.  
It was smelly and very noisy because the occupants Of these cages were  
all squeaking, squawking, jabbering, or hissing. The witch behind the  
counter was already advising a wizard on the care of double-ended newts,  
so Harry, Ron, and Hermione waited, examining the cages.  
A pair of enormous purple toads sat gulping wetly and feasting on dead  
blowflies. A gigantic tortoise with a jewel-encrusted shell was  
glittering near the window. Poisonous orange snails were oozing slowly  
up the side of their glass tank, and a fat white rabbit kept changing   
into a silk top hat and back again with a loud popping noise. Then there  
were cats of every color, a noisy cage of ravens, a basket of funny  
custard-colored furballs that were humming loudly, and on the counter, a  
vast cage of sleek black rats that were playing some sort of skipping  
game using their long, bald tails.  
Peter-Show offs.  
The double-ended newt wizard left, and Ron approached the counter.  
"It's my rat," he told the witch. "He been a bit off-color ever since I  
brought him back from Egypt."  
"Bang him on the counter,"  
Peter/Lily-No don't bang him  
said the witch, pulling a pair of heavy black  
spectacles out of her pocket.  
Ron lifted Scabbers out of his inside pocket and placed him next to the  
cage of his fellow rats, who stopped their skipping tricks and scuffled  
to the wire for a better took.  
Like nearly everything Ron owned, Scabbers the rat was secondhand (he  
had once belonged to Ron's brother Percy) and a bit battered. Next to   
the glossy rats in the cage, he looked especially woebegone.   
"Hm," said the witch, picking up Scabbers. "How old is this rat?"  
"Dunno," said Ron. "Quite old. He used to belong to my brother."  
"What powers does he have?" said the witch, examining Scabbers closely.  
"Er --" The truth was that Scabbers had never shown the faintest trace  
of interesting powers.  
Sirius-::whispers to James:: Sounds like Peter.  
James-::laughs quietly::   
The witchs eyes moved from Scabbers's tattered  
left ear to his front paw, which had a toe missing, and tutted loudly.  
"He's been through the mill, this one," she said.  
"He was like that when Percy gave him to me," said Ron defensively.  
"An ordinary common or garden rat like this can't be expected to live  
longer than three years or so," said the witch. "Now, if you were   
looking for something a bit more hard-wearing, you might like one of  
these --"  
She indicated the black rats, who promptly started skipping again. Ron  
muttered, "Show-offs."   
Peter-::snore::That's what I said ::snore::

Well, if you Don't want a replacement, you can try this rat tonic,"   
said the witch, reaching under the counter and bringing out a small red  
bottle.  
"Okay," said Ron. "How much -- OUCH!"  
Ron buckled as something huge and orange came soaring from the top of  
the highest cage, landed on his head, and then propelled itself,  
spitting madly, at Scabbers.  
"NO, CROOKSHANKS, NO!"  
cried the witch, but Scabbers, shot from between  
her hands like a bar of soap, landed splay-legged on the floor, and then  
scampered for the door.  
"Scabbers!" Ron shouted, racing out of the shop after him; Harry  
followed.   
It took them nearly ten minutes to catch Scabbers, who had taken r e f u g e under a wastepaper bin outside Quality Quidditch Supplies. Ron stuffed  
the trembling rat back into his pocket and straightened up, massaging  
his head.  
"What was that?"   
"It was either a very big cat or quite a small tiger," said Harry.  
"Where's Hermione?"  
"Probably getting her owl."  
They made their way back up the crowded street to the Magical Menagerie.  
As they reached it, Hermione came out, but she wasn't carrying an owl.  
Her arms were clamped tightly around the enormous ginger cat.   
Mauraders excluding Peter- She bought that monster.  
Lily-I think Crookshanks sounded gorgeous.   
"You bought that monster?" said Ron, his mouth hanging open.  
"He's gorgeous, isn't he?" said Hermione, glowing.  
Mauraders - Gorgeous!! More like, "more violent than the Monster Book of Monsters!!"

That was a matter of opinion, thought Harry. The cat's ginger fur was   
thick and fluffy, but it was definitely a bit bowlegged and its face  
looked grumpy and oddly squashed, as though it had run headlong into a  
brick wall. Now that Scabbers was out of sight, however, the cat was  
purring contentedly in Hermione's arms.   
"Herinione, that thing nearly scalped me!" said Ron.   
"He didn't mean to, did you, Crookshanks?" said Hermione.  
Sirius-She talks to her cat.  
"And what about Scabbers?" said Ron, pointing at the lump in his chest  
pocket. "He needs rest and relaxation! How's he going to get it with  
that thing around?"  
"That reminds me, you forgot your rat tonic," said Hermione, slapping  
the small red bottle into Ron's hand. "And stop worrying, Crookshanks  
will be sleeping in my dormitory and Scabbers in yours, what's the  
problem? Poor Crookshanks, that witch said he'd been in there for ages;  
no one wanted him."   
Marauders-Wonder why?

They found Mr. Weasley sitting in the bar, reading the Daily prophet.   
"Harry!" he said, smiling as he looked up. "How are you?"  
"Fine, thanks," said Harry as he, Ron, and Hermione joined Mr. Weasley  
with their shopping.  
Mr. Weasley put down his paper, and Harry saw the now familiar picture   
of Sirius Black staring up at him.  
"They still haven't caught him, then?" he asked.  
"No," said Mr. Weasley, looking extremely grave. "They've pulled us all  
off our regular jobs at the Ministry to try and find him, but no luck so   
far."  
"Would we get a reward if we caught him?" asked Ron. "It'd be good to  
get some more money --"   
"Don't be ridiculous, Ron," said Mr. Weasley, who on closer inspection  
looked very strained. "Black's not going to be caught by a  
thirteen-year-old wizard.  
  
Sirius- Of course I'm not.  
It's the Azkaban guards who'll get him back,  
You mark my words."   
Sirius-::flinches::Harry please tell me the azkaban gaurds didn't get me.  
Harry-They almost did.   
Sirius- What do you mean almost?  
Harry-You'll find out.   
At that moment Mrs. Weasley entered the bar, laden with shopping bags  
and followed by the twins, Fred and George, who were about to start  
their fifth year at Hogwarts; the newly elected Head Boy, Percy; and the  
Weasleys' youngest child and only girl, Ginny.  
Ginny, who had always been very taken with Harry, seemed even more  
heartily embarrassed than usual when she saw him, perhaps because he had  
saved her life during their previous year at Hogwarts. She went very red  
and muttered "hello" without looking at him. Percy, however, held out  
his hand solemnly as though he and Harry had never met and said, "Harry.   
How nice to see you.  
"Hello, Percy," said Harry, trying not to laugh.  
I hope you're well?" said Percy pompously, shaking hands. It was rather  
like being introduced to the mayor.  
"Very well, thanks --"  
"Harry!" said Fred, elbowing Percy out of the way and bowing deeply.  
"Simply splendid to see you, old boy --"   
Marauders-::Laugh::   
"Marvelous," said George, pushing Fred aside and seizing Harry's hand in  
turn. "Absolutely spiffing."  
Marauders-::laugh even harder::  
Percy scowled.  
"That's enough, now," said Mrs. Weasley.   
"Mum!" said Fred as though he'd only just spotted her and seizing her  
hand too. "How really corking to see you --"   
Marauders- ::laugh so hard they cry::  
Sirius-Fred and George are deffenetly going to be the next marauders.  
Other marauders-Agreed

I said, that's enough," said Mrs. Weasley, depositing her shopping in  
an empty chair. "Hello, Harry, dear. I suppose you've heard our exciting  
news?" She pointed to the brand-new silver badge on Percy's chest.  
"Second Head Boy in the family!" she said, swelling with pride.  
"And last," Fred muttered under his breath.  
"I don't doubt that," said Mrs. Weasley, frowning suddenly. "I notice  
they haven't made you two prefects."  
"What do we want to be prefects for?" said George, looking revolted at  
the very idea. "It'd take all the fun out of life."   
Sirius/James-Ther're right I'm glad I wasn't made prefect.  
Ginny giggled.  
"You want to set a better example for your sister!" snapped Mrs.  
Weasley.  
"Ginny's got other brothers to set her an example, Mother," said Percy  
loftily. "I'm going up to change for dinner..."  
He disappeared and George heaved a sigh.  
"We tried to shut him in a pyramid," he told Harry. "But Mum spotted us."   
Sirius - I hate it when that happens.  
Dinner that night was a very enjoyable affair. Tom the innkeeper put  
three tables together in the parlor, and the seven Weasleys, Harry, and   
Hermione ate their way through five delicious courses.   
All excluding Peter and Harry- FIVE?!  
Peter-::in his sleep::mmmmm I hope there was cheese   
"How're we getting to King's Cross tomorrow, Dad?" asked Fred as they  
dug into a sumptuous chocolate pudding.  
"The Ministry's providing a couple of cars," said Mr. Weasley.  
Everyone looked up at him.  
"Why?" said Percy curiously.  
"It's because of you, Perce," said George seriously. "And there'll be  
little flags on the hoods, with HB on them"  
"-- for Humongous Bighead," said Fred.   
Marauders excluding Peter and James-::start to laugh then notice that James is staring at them and stop::

Everyone except Percy and Mrs. Weasley snorted into their pudding.  
"Why are the Ministry providing cars, Father?" Percy asked again, in a  
dignified voice.  
"Well, as we haven't got one anymore," said Mr. Weasley,  
"-- and as I work there, they're doing me a favor --"  
His voice was casual, but Harry couldn't help noticing that Mr.  
Weasley's ears had gone red, just like Ron's did when he was under  
pressure.  
"Good thing, too," said Mrs. Weasley briskly. "Do you realize how much   
luggage you've all got between you? A nice sight you'd be on the Muggle  
Underground.... You are all packed, aren't you?"   
"Ron hasn't put all his new things in his trunk yet," said Percy, in a  
long-suffering voice. "He's dumped them on my bed."   
Marauders-::mutter::tattle tale   
"You'd better go and pack properly, Ron, because we won't have much time  
in the morning," Mrs. Weasley called down the table. Ron scowled at  
Percy.  
After dinner everyone felt very full and sleepy. One by one they made   
their way upstairs to their rooms to check their things for the next  
day. Ron and Percy were next door to Harry. He had just closed and  
locked his own trunk when he heard angry voices through the wall, and  
went to see what was going on.  
The door of number twelve was ajar and Percy was shouting.  
"It was here, on the bedside table, I took it off for polishing"  
"I haven't touched it, all right?" Ron roared back.  
"What's up?" said Harry.  
"My Head Boy badge is gone,"   
Remus/Sirius-So?  
said Percy, rounding on Harry.  
"So's Scabbers's rat tonic," said Ron, throwing things out of his trunk  
to look. "I think I might've left it in the bar --"  
"You're not going anywhere till you've found my badge!" yelled Percy.  
"I'll get Scabbers's stuff, I'm packed," Harry said to Ron, and he went  
downstairs.  
Harry was halfway along the passage to the bar, which was now very dark,  
when he heard another pair of angry voices coming from the parlor. A  
second later, he recognized them as Mr. and Mrs.  
Weasleys'. He hesitated, not wanting them to know he'd heard them  
arguing, when the sound of his own name made him stop, then move closer  
to the parlor door.  
"--makes no sense not to tell him," Mr. Weasley was saying heatedly.   
"Harry's got a right to know.  
Everyone excluding Peter and Harry-Know what?

I've tried to tell Fudge, but he insists  
on treating Harry like a child. He's thirteen years old and --"  
"Arthur, the truth would terrify him!" said Mrs. Weasley shrilly. "Do   
you really want to send Harry back to school with that hanging over him?  
For heaven's sake, he's happy not knowing!"  
"I don't want to make him miserable, I want to put him on his guard!" retorted Mr. Weasley. "You know what Harry and Ron are like, wandering  
off by themselves -- they've ended up in the Forbidden Forest twice! But  
Harry mustn't do that this year!   
Sirius-::snort:: if he's anything like James then I bet he'll end up in the Forbidden Forest more then once.  
Harry -Hello I'm sitting right next to you.  
Sirius-So   
When I think what could have happened  
to him that night he ran away from home! If the Knight Bus hadn't picked  
him up, I'm prepared to bet he would have been dead before the Ministry  
found him."  
"But he's not dead, he's fine, so what's the point  
"Molly, they say Sirius Black's mad,  
Sirius-::glare and growl at James::  
James-What I'm just reading what the book says.  
Sirius-::glares and growls at the book::   
and maybe he is, but he was clever enough to escape from Azkaban, and that's supposed to be impossible. It's been three weeks, and no one's seen hide nor hair of him, and I   
don't care what Fudge keeps telling the Daily Prophet, we're no nearer  
catching Black than inventing self-spelling wands. The only thing we  
know for sure is what Black's after-"   
All excluding Harry-After who?

"But Harry will be perfectly safe at Hogwarts."  
Lily-Of course especually with Dombeldore as headmaster.  
We thought Azkaban was perfectly safe. If Black can break out of   
Azkaban, he can break into Hogwarts."  
"But no one's really sure that Black's after Harry  
There was a thud on wood, and Harry was sure Mr. Weasley had banged his  
fist on the table.   
"Molly, how many times do I have to tell you? They didn't report it in  
the press because Fudge wanted it kept quiet, but Fudge went out to  
Azkaban the night Black escaped. The guards told Fudge that Blacks been  
talking in his sleep for a while now. Always the same words: 'He's at  
Hogwarts... he's at Hogwarts.' Black is deranged, Molly, and he wants  
Harry dead. If you ask me, he thinks murdering Harry will bring  
You-Know-Who back to pow er. Black lost everything the night Harry  
stopped You- Know-Who, and he's had twelve years alone in Azkaban to  
brood on that...."   
Sirius-::shaking madly::   
James-::holds on to Sirius' shoulders:: Stop shaking Sirius.   
There was a silence. Harry leaned still closer to the door, desperate to  
hear more.  
Sirius-Prongs still lives even after he's dead.  
James-::smcks Sirius::   
Sirius-What was that for I was complementing you.  
James-Oh.   
"Well, Arthur, you must do what you think is right. But you'reforgetting Albus Dumbledore. I don't think anything could hurt Harry at  
Hogwarts while Dumbledore's headmaster. I suppose he knows about all  
this?"  
"Of course he knows. We had to ask him if he minds the Azkaban guards   
stationing themselves around the entrances to the school grounds. He  
wasn't happy about it, but he agreed."  
All excluding Harry- He agreed to having Dementors on the grounds!!!   
Lily - Impossible.

"Not happy? Why shouldn't he be happy, if they're there to catch Black?"   
Sirius-::stops shaking::because he knows I'm innocent.  
"Dumbledore isn't fond of the Azkaban guards,"  
All including Peter-Who is?  
said Mr. Weasley heavily.  
"Nor am 1, if it comes to that... but when you're dealing with a wizard  
like Black, you sometimes have to join forces with those you'd rather  
avoid."  
Sirius-::Takes book and throws it into the fire which happened to appear out of nowhere::  
Others-SIRIUS!!!!!!  
A book suddenly falls from the cieling in James' room. It's labeled Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.  
James-I'll keep reading as soon as Sirius gives me his wand.  
Sirius-I'm not giving you my wand.  
Others excluding Harry-Oh yes you are.  
Remus sneaks up on Sirius and takes Sirius' wand.  
Remus-Keep reading James.  
Sirius-Hey give me my wand back.  
Remus-No ::sticks his tounge out at Sirius::  
Lily-::rolls eyes::Keep reading James.  
"If they save Harry then I will never say another word against them,   
said Mr. Weasley wearily. "It's late, Molly, we'd better go up...."  
Harry heard chairs move.  
Sirius-RUN HARRY RUN!!!!!!  
Lily-Sirius it's a book.  
Sirius-So.  
As quietly as he could, he hurried down the  
passage to the bar and out of sight. The parlor door opened, and a few  
seconds later footsteps told him that Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were climbing  
the stairs.  
The bottle of rat tonic was lying under the table they had sat at  
earlier. Harry waited until he heard Mr. and Mrs. Weasley's bedroom door  
close, then headed back upstairs with the bottle.  
Fred and George were crouching in the shadows on the landing, heaving  
with laughter as they listened to Percy dismantling his and Ron's room  
in search of his badge.  
"We've got it," Fred whispered to Harry. "We've been improving it."  
The badge now read Bighead Boy.  
Marauders-::s n i g g e r::

Harry forced a laugh, went to give Ron the rat tonic, then shut himself  
in his room and lay down on his bed.  
So Sirius Black was after him.   
Sirius-::glares at the book but doesn't say anything in risk of getting on Lily's bad side::  
This explained everything. Fudge had been  
lenient with him because he was so relieved to find him alive. He'd made  
Harry promise to stay in Diagon Alley where there were plenty of wizards  
to keep an eye on him. And he was sending two Ministry cars to take them  
all to the station tomorrow, so that the Weasleys could look after Harry   
until he was on the train.  
Harry lay listening to the muffled shouting next door and wondered why  
he didn't feel more scared. Sirius Black had murdered thirteen people  
with one curse;   
Sirius-::makes a grab for his wand so he can burn the book but Remus levitates it::  
Mr. and Mrs, Weasley obviously thought Harry would be  
panic-stricken if he knew the truth. But Harry happened to agree  
wholeheartedly with Mrs. Weasley that the safest place on earth was  
wherever Albus Dumbledore happened to be. Didn't people always say that   
Dumbledore was the only person Lord Voldemort  
Peter-::flinches::   
had ever been afraid of?  
Surely Black, as Voldemort's  
Peter-::flinches::   
right-hand man, would be just as frightened  
of him?  
And then there were these Azkaban guards everyone kept talking about.  
They seemed to scare most people senseless, and if they were stationed  
all around the school, Black's chances of getting inside seemed very  
remote. No, all in all, the thing that bothered Harry most was the fact that his   
chances of visiting Hogsmeade now looked like zero.  
Remus-Unless he finds the M M  
Lily- What's the M M  
Remus-Nothing.

Nobody would want  
Harry to leave the safety of the castle until Black was caught; in fact,  
Harry suspected his every move would be carefully watched until the  
danger had passed.  
He scowled at the dark ceiling. Did they think he couldn't look after  
himself? He'd escaped Lord Voldemort three times; he wasn't completely   
useless....  
Unbidden, the image of the beast in the shadows of Magnolia Crescent  
crossed his mind. What to do when you know the worst is coming...  
"I'm not going to be murdered,"   
Peter-::Wakes up::Yes you are. ::points his wand at Harry but Harry pulled out his wand and said the first spell that came to his mind.::  
Harry-Stupefy.   
Others-::look at Peter then Harry, Peter then Harry::  
Harry said out loud.  
"That's the spirit, dear," said his mirror sleepily.  
James-That's the end of the chapter.


	5. NOTE

**NOTE:**

**SORRY BUT I WILL HAVE TO STOP UPDATING THIS FANFICTION. THE REASONS WHY ARE WAY TO COMPLICATED BUT IF YOU WANT TO CONTINUE READING THIS GO TO ****. THANK YOU,**

**MARY SAMANTHA BLACK**


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